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Making cement from limestone and clay while the concrete requires cement, sand, water and gravel


Beauty17 56 / 88 5  
Nov 6, 2016   #1
The diagrams show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The diagrams present how cement and concrete produce with some steps and equipment needed. In general, the raw materials that are needed for making cement are limestone and clay while for concrete production it needs cement, sand, water, and gravel. Besides, the stage for cement production is more than making concrete.

In cement production, the first step is limestone and clay crushed together by crusher to become powder. Then, that powder is mixed in mixer and through the rotating heater. After that, it is put into grinder becomes cement. Lastly, that cement is packaged into cement bags.

For concrete production, 15% of all composition for cement is used. This process also need 25% of sand and twice proportion from that for small stones. Next, 10% water is poured to complete a hundred percent composition for making concrete. Finally, all of those ingredients are mixed together in concrete mixer to obtain concrete.




nurainiyusuf16 47 / 83 6  
Nov 6, 2016   #2
Hello Beauty!
Kindly check my suggestion below.

...how cement and concrete produce by some steps and...
Use appropriate conjunction.

...the stage for cement production is many more than making concrete...
Lost word.

Then, that powder is blended in mixer and ...

Lastly, the cement is packaged into cement bags.

Just few correction and suggestion for your better task.
Hope it helps you :)
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,690 2048  
Nov 6, 2016   #3
Meireza, I do believe that this diagram description could earn a band score of 6 based due to a number of reasons. The most important reason that affected your score is that the overview lacks a sense of clarity that could fully explain the purpose of the essay and give an overview of the procedures to be presented. You failed to indicate that the procedure uses similar equipment based on the second diagram provided.So the tone of your essay became unclear. I believe that the following observation of your work will help you better develop your succeeding essays. It is all about the way you develop your sentences. Make sure that the topic sentence is always evident and clear. Specially when you develop your opening statement.
IvanMS027 43 / 56 9  
Nov 6, 2016   #4
Hi meireza. Here are my suggestions for you:

... how cement and concreteare producedproduce with some steps ...

Then, that(avoid to use "that". use "the") powder is mixed inwith mixer and through ...

15% of all composition for cement is used. This process also ...

Suggestions:
1. you miss some steps in the chart given to you. for example, you skipped the process of rotating the raw materials in the concrete mixer.

2. you can replace the percentage with some of the similar expression, such as 25 percent is equivalent with "a quarter".

I hope it can be helpful for you.
Goodluck and Keep Spirited.


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