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'Making cement, limestone and clay' - the IELTS Exam


jimmy_nguyen 2 / 3  
Apr 16, 2012   #1
The exam requires to write at least 150 words about 2 processes of producing Cement and concrete for building purpose based on two pictures discrbring it.

Here is my work.

These two pictures below display the processes of making cement and how to produce concrete from cement for building purpose.

Limestone and clay are the first materials introducing to the process of cement production. They are pass through a crusher to become powder and this powder goes into a mixer after that. Next, the mixture goes into a rotating heater where it works with heat. Afterwawrds, the products of this step pass to a grinder and then becoming the cement production. The last step of this procession is to pack in to bags.

The beside picture is ablout a concrete production process which we combine 15% of cement, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stones or so-called gravel. All of these materials are in a concrete mixer mixing for a time and then comming out for the building purpose.

Those two picture summaring the processes to produce cement and concrete. The difference between them is the appearence of heat in the cement production.

_[i]167 words_[/i]

many thanks for your helps!

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Apr 17, 2012   #2
Hi, Your essay is quite good. I have several suggestion with regard to your essay that have been written as follow:
First of all, do not use the terms "the figures below", "it can be seen" and the like, because an examiner has not the pictures as reviewing your work. You can start the essay by the phrases like " the figures provide information", "the illustration shows..", "the figures indicate.." etc.

"to become powder ..": suggestion:" A crusher is used for grinding the materials into fine powders"
"goes into a mixer after that " : suggestion: "goes into a mixer thereafter "
"Next, the mixture goes into a rotating heater...": you used "goes into" for several times. it is not appropriate. It would be more effective if it is rewritten as this sentence: " at the next step, a rotating heater is employed in order to ..."

"..which we combine 15% of cement,": never use "we" , "I", etc in the essay. You must use passive sentences.
"materials are in a concrete mixer mixing..." : two "mix" were used sequentially which is not rational. It would be better to say : " All stated materials are mixed for a certain time in a concrete mixer ..."
sara alawieh 2 / 11  
Apr 17, 2012   #3
it's a nice paragraph actually but i have some comments:
. "products of this step pass to a grinder and then becoming the cement production." it's better : become

."whichwe combine 15% of cement,10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stones or so-called gravel" my suggestion:
where 15% of cement,10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stones or so-called gravel are combined together

.it's better to say instead of all of these materials: This combination is mixed in a concrete mixture for a specific time where it comes out for building process.

."Those two picturesummaring the processes to produce cement and concrete. The difference between them is the appearence of heat in the cement production.

better to say:
those two pictures summarize the production process of cement and concrete that differs only in the appearance of heat in the cement production

. in general the ideas are good and well displayed but watch out for:
-repetition of certain words
- some weak structures
- spelling mistakes

good luck:)
OP jimmy_nguyen 2 / 3  
Apr 18, 2012   #4
thankyou so much for you help. I'm going to rewrite my essay, I'm very apprecitate your words
OP jimmy_nguyen 2 / 3  
Apr 18, 2012   #5
Here is my work with your suggestions.

The figures provide information of the cement meking prcess and how concrete is produced for the purpose of building.

The first illustration shows the cement production with an introduction of limestone and clay. A crusher is used for grinding those two materials into fine powder. Then, the powder goes into a mixer and a rotating heater thereafter where it works with heat. At the next step, the mixture with the working of a grinder becomes cement and comes out for the packing process into bags in the end.

The second one gives a general step in producing concrete. Where 15% of cement, 10% of water, 25% of sand stones or so-calles gravel are combined together into a concrete mixer. All stated materials are mixed for a certain time and then come out for nuilding purpose.

Those two pictures summarize the production process of cement and concrete which differ only in the apprearance of heat in the producing of cement.

Thankyou all


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