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TOEFL: Making large amounts of money or earning a comfortable living ?

thaonguyen1901 10 / 29 3  
Sep 7, 2012   #1
Prompt: Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.

Money is very important for a convenient life. It satisfies our demand, supports many appliances and makes most of people feel happy. However, many youth just focus all of their energy to earn a lot of money but forget to hold joyful and meaningful moments in life. Therefore, people need to balance two things: earning money and enjoying a comfortable living to succeed in life.

More money helps people purchase better things. Parents can pay better education for their children. These kids will have opportunities to study in a wonderful environment and prepare well for their future. With money, people can have a sufficient life_ a nice house with a lot of modern household appliances such as three D plasma TV, washing machine and an expensive car. Besides, people can use their money to travel around the world, to enjoy delicious food in restaurants in everywhere, to discover different cultures and to have more experiences about the world outside.

Nevertheless, if people just focus on earning money, they won't have time to spend all of it and enjoy their full life. Reducing work hours may cost us some money, but it releases our stress and provides us time to take care of our family. Family members can attach their relationship by joining in outdoor activities, watching TV or eating dinner together. This enables them to talk, to laugh, to share stories about schools, about friends to one another.

In my own viewpoint, I prefer to work less and spend more time to enjoy my life. I'm very young and curious. I want to spend my free time pursuing my hobbies like playing badminton, swimming, hanging out with my friends. Or I can sit reading a book beside a window and feel the wind blowing, the sun shining and the birds singing to chew my own thought. I want to own my life, not to depend on it.

In sum, people want money and they study, they work for money doesn't mean they must become slaves of money. People still have a life in front of them and they can lose a little of money to buy unregretful moments instead. (359 words in 35 mins)

tanvi3595 3 / 8  
Sep 9, 2012   #2
okay as far as I remember, this is from the barron's guide! okay so firstly, do give indent before starting every paragraph. this makes it easier for the rater to understand your essay's structure.

And also you have not really elaborated the benefits of having a comfortable life with not as much money. You can write about less tension, simple life, happiness, good health, satisfaction etc.

and you surely have to learn to organize your essay properly. i gave my toefl yesterday and trust mee 30 minutes are enough to do so...i'll give u a sample structure:-

1st paragraph - general intro, your opinion
2nd paragraph - 1st point of view, benefits /disadvantages
3rd paragraph - 2nd point of view just advantages (as the disadvantages = advantages of 1st point of view)
4th paragraph - conclude in an postive manner, by some suggestions or say hopeful comment etc...

i am happy to see that you have given adequate examples in your points.

all the best!! :)
OP thaonguyen1901 10 / 29 3  
Sep 10, 2012   #3
Thank you tanvi3595 for your optimistic comment. I'm happy to hear you did take the TF few days ago. I'm gonna take TF in Sep22. I still feel I type slowly and worry about my length. Some of my friends said that I should write 5 paragraphs and up to 400 words in order to get over point of 4. How many words did you write in your exam?

Also, you will have score in 2 weeks right? I hope you will announce me ^^ And I will tell you mine after I had score too :)

Arienne, your feedback is so lovely ! Every words you pointed out are very precious to me. Thank you a lot !
amitt - / 80  
Sep 10, 2012   #4
Thanks for corrections by contributors, I want to ask you people if we made corrections how to make improvements? As last time I use rubber to rub lot of my errors while writing letter as well as essays during my IELTS exams.

Please, guide me
Thanks in advance
Robin hood

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