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[IELTS task 2] Males and Females should have an Equal Education Opportunity


khoaminh 1 / 1  
Jul 7, 2019   #1
Title:

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.


To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

My essay

In universities, the gender of the student is a hotly debated topic that divides opinions. Many people claim that we live in an age when we should strike a balance between the numbers of male and female students in every subject. But some others disagree that. In my view, I totally agree with this argument.

First and foremost, we have to recognize the indispensable role of female students. The history suggests that men dominated the development of science, arts, politic, social... Despite this, we cannot deny the important contributions of women. For instance, Merry Curie was the first women scientist who received Nobel Prize for providing many scientific researches and radioactivities such as discovering of polonium, radium... Furthermore, there is an old saying:"Give me an educated mother and I will give you an educated nation". It is clear that a mother is much more emotionally attached to their children and friendlier to them than their fathers. Consequently, in family, a good woman who has high education certainly leads their kids to better study. Last but not least, the numbers of students in universities should be equally divided for male and female because this help to increase communication skills when it comes to having closer relationships with the opposite sex. In fact, research has shown that people have more chances of finding their partners to get married thankful to their university life.

In conclusion, I think that male and female students should have an equal opportunity to participate in every subject in universities.

solivagant 8 / 15 6  
Jul 7, 2019   #2
Hi @khoaminh!
I`ll try my best to help you.
First, your need to organise your essay in a logical way. My main suggestion is that you should write a plan beforehand. After stating your opinion, divide your reasons into at least two paragraphs with one main idea in each. This is a sample plan for your essay:

Introduction: Give your opinion - Yes, they should have equal place in each subject.

Paragraph 1: Main idea - Because women have been oppressed by men throughout the history.We should compensate this.

Paragraph 2: Main idea - If promoted, women can make great contributions to science and other areas.

Conclusion: Restate your opinion.
OP khoaminh 1 / 1  
Jul 8, 2019   #3
@solivagant Thank you for your support.
Maria [Contributor] - / 827 313  
Jul 10, 2019   #4
@khoaminh
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. We hope that you find here the feedback you're looking for to improve your writing.

Firstly, incorporate writing techniques that will help you curate more substance by clearing out unnecessarily used space in your writing. Doing this will help you add more depth to your writing as you will be able to focus on the concrete flow of your text. For instance, in your first paragraph, mention that it should be: "Many people claim that our time relies on striking a gender balance in various subjects' students." This line has more of a flow than the one you initially had.

Furthermore, try to also focus on creating a direct and straightforward writing approach. Doing so will save you space. What this means is omitting unnecessary fillers in your text.

Your conclusion may also be extended by adding more of your personal thoughts. Evaluate what you have written and curate an opinion on its overall effectiveness.

Best of luck as always.
huyhihung10A 3 / 5  
Jul 11, 2019   #5
Hi, I have some suggestions in the hope of helping you guys
I think the introduction you should paraphrase the statements on your own rather than repeating what they ask. It would be more incredible
In terms of the body, it is advisable to have two main ideas written into two paragraphs instead of having just a sum of one passage

That's all-in. Have a nice day


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