IELTS T2 - mandatory courses of foreign languages in schools

Should Schools Require Foreign Languages?

Question:
Students who are not talented in foreign language learning should not be required to study a foreign language. Do you agree or disagree?

Learning a foreign language is difficult for a student who does not have the talent. Some people think that government schools should provide courses of a foreign language as a mandatory subject, but other people argue that students should spend their time on other subjects if they are not gifted in foreign language learning. I agree that learning a foreign language in government schools will give students a good environment of education and develop their competitive skill.

Schools can provide students a good education to learn a new language, especially for not gifted students. Firstly, they can be taught a fundamental knowledge of a foreign language from the teachers in government schools. Teachers can stimulate their interest in studying the language and help them to develop a skill of the language. Secondly, they can practice with their classmates who learn the language better. Those not talented students can get benefits of learning a foreign language from the mandatory subject in school and their classmates.

People, speaking a foreign language fluently, obtain a competitive ability in the global employment. Although some people are not good at learning new languages, they can gain a basic knowledge of a foreign language in school. When they work in the foreign country or serve consumers of the foreign country, they could manage their duty better than the others who have never learned the language. People can have better employment opportunities if they studied the foreign language in government schools.

In conclusion, Students maybe pay a lot of effort on learning a foreign language. However, the mandatory courses in school are the basic way for them to obtain a useful ability in the future.

1) I think the introduction should be more concise. You can combine the two sentences with the structure: "Some people believe foreign language should not be mandatory... However, I completely disagree with this view for the following reasons....

2) Although the word " language " is pretty hard to paraphrase, try to avoid repetition by using different structure, relative clauses for example.
3) You can use "others" as a paraphrase of "many people"
4) Maybe try to think of an example in your essay.

Thank your for the useful advice.