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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, causing many health problems


tanuzky 1 / -  
Aug 3, 2022   #1
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Do you agree or disagree?



Processed food products are high-content sugar for its preservation out of microbial species, which causes a significant number of health issues. Some people argue this type of product should be limited by putting high prices so that people could consume less sugar. In my view, I firmly disagree with this statement.

Increasing the price of sugary products may harm society. Firstly, this type of activity would put more pressure on the sugary industry and other businesses. This would reduce the earnings of the market, and as a result, some companies would diminish their employees, raising the unemployed rate. Furthermore, sugary products were not the only factor leading to health issues. If sugary foods change at a higher price, people should also change their eating habits to other types of products like fast food, and high-content salt products, all of which could lead to bad health if consumed too much. Therefore, increasing the price of sugary products might lead to an economic crisis and should not be seen as a suitable way to decrease health problems.

In contrast, sugary products provide benefits to society. Most of the factories in the sugary industry require significant human resources. This would increase job vacancies, help the unemployed and improve the standard of living. Additionally, due to the low price, inhabitants with lower income could maintain their living expenses, and save more money for affording higher priorities, such as paying tuition pee or rental accommodation monthly. Sugary products would lead to health problems, but if people appropriately use these products, for example dividing smaller portions, they might eventually achieve a healthy balanced life. Thus, sugary products could improve the quality of society.

In conclusion, I disagree with the concept of making higher prices for sugary products to lower health problems. This type of activity would not only lower the health issues of society but also could lead to an economic crisis
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,033 4249  
Aug 4, 2022   #2
Try to limit your writing to 300 words. That will allow ample time for proper editing and finalization of content within the essay prior to submission. These 2 steps are important to accomplish during the test because doing so will allow the writer to increase the scoring potential of his presentation. The clearer the meaning, more proper the word usage, the better the final outcome of the essay will be. For example, the first sentence of the prompt restatement + personal opinion paragraph is confusing. What does "preservation out of microbial species" have to do with the discussion. Where is the reference to such a thing in the original? This has altered the basis of discussion and thus, changed the discussion topic foundation of the rewrite. That means the original thought representation is no longer adherent to the accuracy requirements of the discussion.

Reviewing the writing instruction is also important when it comes to developing the writer's opinion. The response to the question must also be applicable to the discussion format as indicated. It is important to understand the difference between an extent essay and an ordinary discussion essay. "To what extent" may be responded to with "I firmly believe" as it refers to an emotional or measured opinion response. Such a response is not required when asked a simple question: Do you agree or disagree? The response format is partly correct. It should not have had an emotional / measured response included in the response reference.

Include the short form of the personal opinion basis at the end of the restatement. It will help complete the thesis paragraph representation as required by the scoring criteria. Without it, the reader lacks a proper summary reference or overview of the upcoming discussion paragraphs. By strengthening the first paragraph, the writer will ensure that the essay's overall score will be a passing one, even as other deductions might apply to relevant sections.

Word usage is a bit of an issue in this writing. The writer tends to overemphasize his writing using words that do not apply to the discussion. Do not be afraid to use simple words in the essay. Simplicity in word usage will mean less possibility of LR deductions and an increase scoring potential in the C+C section.

These observations aside, the essay has the potential to get a moderately high passing score since it checks the box for most of the scoring requirements, specially in the single opinion defense part. It is an essay that is developed well enough to pass. Even the sentence structure errors can be overlooked since the presentation is understandable for the most part. The writer made an effort to include as many sentence types as possible in the presentation.


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