Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Map of Brandfield. New shopping mall project.

tran14 12 / 26 7  
Aug 18, 2017   #1
Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Illustration of Branfield city and planned investment

The map illustrates city Branfield which is divided into two sections, S1 and S2, as suggested by city planners who want to construct a new shopping mall in the region.

As can be seen from the map, the two sites are separated due to the railway running from Northwest to Southeast.

S1 is located in the North of the area. The place contains a housing estate built in the centre of the North, which is passed through by a road directing forward Northeast. In addition, there is also an industrial estate far in the bottom end of S1.

On the other hand, S2 accounted for the rest of the land. Nearest to the landmark put the city centre that comes across the road and the railway and is run through by the river. Additionally, to the left of the city centre is a golf course and park running from Northwest to Southwest.

If possible, please score my essay as well.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,054 2734  
Aug 18, 2017   #2
Tran, this is a pretty acceptable summary of the map. However, there were some comparison points that you seemed to have missed out on in the map. Did you notice that there were some sections that overlapped in both sections 1 and 2? You did not report those overlapping areas in your comparison information for the essay. When the instruction instructs you to look for and report comparisons when relevant, that is a clue that you should look for overlapping portions in the illustration provided. The overlapping comparison points are there which is why you are being advised to look for those parts and report it. It isn't obvious at first glance, you need to look over the map a second time after you write your draft in order to make sure that you reported on all of the required points.

There was a mistake in the way that you wrote the summary overview. In your report, you did not make it clear that the 2 sites are being considered for the building of one mall. Your report makes it seem like there are going to be 2 malls built on 2 separate sites. That is not the case. By the way, you could have brought up the sentence about the trend to the summary portion in order to complete the minimum sentence count per paragraph. The task 1 essay is considered complete with 3-4 paragraphs reflected anyway. The third paragraph could have been the comparison points of the overlapping areas. No concluding statement is necessary in a Task 1 essay so your summary analysis would have been considered complete using my suggested presentation.
Serena11 1 / 2 1  
Aug 18, 2017   #3
Hello Tran, in my opinion, the following points need to be corrected.
1. The map illustrates the city of Brandfield
2. The place contains a housing estate built ... I think you should devide this sentences in two sentence. Because "relative clause" used many times in one sentence make the sentence lengthy and complex.

and this sentence have a similar fault : "Nearest to the landmark put the city ..."

3. " to the left of the city centre ". In this situation, you should use the words for direction such as south, north, ect instead of "the left of.."

I hope my help is useful to you.
OP tran14 12 / 26 7  
Aug 18, 2017   #4
Thank all of you for comments on my essay. This will help me much in my next work

Home / Writing Feedback / Map of Brandfield. New shopping mall project.