[MAP - task 1 IELTS] Map description about changes after the hydroelectric power dam was build

describing town changes

The maps illustrate the changes that were made to a town after the construction of a hydroelectric power dam. The new modern water infrastructure coupled with a giant hotel mark a historic milestone, which obliterates the ancient values to the town after a decade.

Look at the map in more detail, the central free - flowing river was chunked to construct a hydroelectric dam, and the upper source of it naturally formed a lake. Besides, there were two chains of electricity erected along the left side of the river. A green farmland, located in the east side of the river, was no longer presented in 2010, and instead we see the addition of a hotel next to the reservoir.

After 10 years, the indigenous communities resettled in the lower river rather than near the farmland. Also, the forest and an ancient structure, on the north - west side of the town, were demolished to make way for the lake. Furthermore, the occupants no longer tended rare plants and livestocks in 2010 due to the erection of the numerous blocks of electricity.

Hellooo, thank you for sending your essay here. Let me discuss your essay. First thing to consider is you need to include the picture of this map. By doing so, I can help you more regarding the coherence and cohesion as well as the task achievement. Since you have no picture attached, I just focus on what I can understand from your essay.

lets start with the introduction:
I don't think you have problem in paraphrasing the rubric. I say this since I see your first sentence well developed, but the second one has problem with the flow of the sentence since its meaning delivered is unclear.

Details:


you dont need to include this, as many students use this marker in their essay, and to tell you the truth that this has no value at all, so you'd better omit this.


Simply use a passive form, so you can omit this doer, as it is unnecessary there.


Almost all sentences are simple. A simple sentence is clear, but IELTS needs you use a wide range of sentence structures. Show them you can use ones.

Hope this helps you,

Eddy Suaib, an IELTS teacher in Kampung Inggris

@eddies
thank you, Eddy. Can you estimate the band score of this essay?