Hellooo, thank you for sending your essay here. Let me discuss your essay. First thing to consider is you need to include the picture of this map. By doing so, I can help you more regarding the coherence and cohesion as well as the task achievement. Since you have no picture attached, I just focus on what I can understand from your essay.
lets start with the introduction:
I don't think you have problem in paraphrasing the rubric. I say this since I see your first sentence well developed, but the second one has problem with the flow of the sentence since its meaning delivered is unclear.
Look at the map in more detail,
you dont need to include this, as many students use this marker in their essay, and to tell you the truth that this has no value at all, so you'd better omit this.
Simply use a passive form, so you can omit this doer, as it is unnecessary there.
After 10 years, the indigenous communities resettled in the lower river ....
Almost all sentences are simple. A simple sentence is clear, but IELTS needs you use a wide range of sentence structures. Show them you can use ones.
Hope this helps you,Eddy Suaib, an IELTS teacher in Kampung Inggris