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[task1] map writing: the evolution of a villege

LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 20, 2017   #1
The map below shows the development of the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and present. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

analysis of the Ryemouth village

A map is presented for analysis of how the village of Ryemouth has developed since 1995. Immense differences can be found between 1995 and this year. They will be summarized in this essay by making relevant comparisons.

Overall, the coastal village has been always crisscrossed with two roads, along which facilities were and are built. While some of them remain intact, the others are totally converted. In addition, an expense of land to the northwest has been brought into entertainment use.

In 1995, Ryemouth had a fishing port in the south and fish markets nearby, across the road from a series of shops. To their east sat a hotel and a café. To the northwest of the village were built rows of housing units, whereas to the northeast lay an undeveloped farmland, bordered with a forest park is its south.

Currently, the landscape has seen tremendous changes. The port is demolished, and the fishing markets are replaced with apartments, opposite to the shop-turned restaurants. The housing estate expands south, with a branch road constructed to the west. A car park emerges next to the hotel, which is preserved along with the café. The most striking transformation occurs in the northeast, where the vast land reserved for crops and trees is developed into a golf course, containing a tennis court in its south.

223 words
I tried to make a concise and matter of fact report. Hope it works. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Oct 20, 2017   #2
AThe maps is presented for analysis of illustrate how the village ...
... be found between during this period of time1995 and this year which will be detailed as follows. They will be summarized ...

..., along which facilities(infrastructures is a better word in my opinion) were and are built.

... the road froming a series of shops.

(This paragraph lists what it is in the map, without any transitions and comparisons. Using comparative sentences in such tasks is a key for achieving a good mark. If I were you I would classify different parts of the village into different sites: seaside, greenfield, and residential areas, then I would compare them in the two times given: 1995 and present)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,289 3984  
Oct 20, 2017   #3
9! Definitely a 9! You did it! You managed to accurately present the comparison chart without presenting information that isn't in the chart. There is a clear analysis of the given images and your explanations are right on the mark. I could not score you any less for this. The grammar is perfect with very minor corrections to be made. Speaking of corrections, because the the illustration marked the other drawing as "present" then, in order to keep with the theme and show that you know how to properly use keywords, instead of saying "this year", you should have said "and the present year". If you will recall, I once informed you about the way that keywords, placed and used in the right context within the essay can increase your overall score, this is one of those essay writing situations. Also, rather than saying "some of them", it would have been more appropriate to say "while some areas remained intact..." use synonyms whenever you can for the LR scoring considerations. About the farmland, it is bordered "by" not bordered "with". You could have also said, "The forest park merged with the farmland." Or a similar take on that presentation. Excellent work.

If I may, I would like to go back for a moment to the discussion about the "hypermart" essay. I have just one thing to tell you about that. Since the diagrams never indicated where the hypermart was going to be located, your assumptions become flawed. It is not based on a proposal to be found in the diagrams and hence, becomes heresay or an exaggeration without evidence to support it. You should have merely indicated that the hypermart was proposed to be located within one of those areas and at the moment, no definite location had been set for its building. That is what is evident in the essay and should have been presented. That was the missing information from that illustration that you did not catch on to while you were analyzing the proposal maps. There was no call for you to make observational comments because no additional information was provided to require such an assumption on your part. Remember, if it's not on the map, it doesn't go in the report. You will need to learn how to word your essays to suit instances such as these when proposals are made, but no definite areas are marked on the map for its use.
OP LadyOfClockwork 30 / 102  
Oct 20, 2017   #4
I see. Thank you for your advice. I will improve skills accordingly and try to turn writing into my second nature.

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