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The maps illustrate three prospective positions for constructing a new hypermarket in Pellington


Harleydao 1 / -  
Sep 26, 2019   #1

proposed sites for a new hypermarket in Pellington



The maps illustrate three prospective positions (A, B and C) for constructing a new hypermarket in the city of Pellington.
[2] Overall, the main difference of three areas is the positions relative to the source of customers and the accessibility to transportation system.

[3] On the ability of customers' approach, the A location seems to grab substantial numbers of people by situating in the residential area, close to the industrial zone → The location of A which is close to the residential zone brings to it the advantage in terms of attracting customer. [4] It is 15 km away to the northwest from the nearest town of Hampford of which population is 30000. [5] Meanwhile, the C is located in the suburb of city centre, which nearly to the industrial area. [6] In contrast, the hypermarket erected in B is likely to be impossible due to the considerably further location from the city along with the absence of other facilities and services.

[7] The position of A is located closely to the traffic-free zone which is built next to the park, whereas there are two possibilities to reach C including the airway from the airport nearby and the railway. [8] By contrast, that B is situated along with the further motorway is the only accessibility observed.

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,068 378  
Sep 26, 2019   #2
@Harleydao
Hey, welcome. I hope this feedback becomes useful for your writing.

First and foremost, I would say that you need to focus more on making more concise sentences. The second paragraph needs to be tailor-fit for this purpose. If you are able to do this, you will be able to sustainably showcase the progression of the content in a better light.

Furthermore, the organization of the content appears to be a little bit off-putting. Considering the numerous amount of information that you need to spread out, I recommend trying to put everything into a more meaningful context. Bear this in mind at all times.

It would also be helpful to provide us with the image itself next time. This will help us assess your writing a lot more realistically. Best of luck regardless!
alice1426 3 / 8 2  
Sep 27, 2019   #3
Hi @ Harleydao

also working on IELTS, hope the following points will be helpful :)

1) ... which nearly is close to the industrial area.

2) In contrast, the hypermarket erected in B is likely to ...
>> may sound a little bit wordy, perhaps you can begin the sentence with In contrast, it is unlikely that the hypermarket erected in B since ...


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