Harleydao 1 / - Sep 26, 2019 #1proposed sites for a new hypermarket in PellingtonThe maps illustrate three prospective positions (A, B and C) for constructing a new hypermarket in the city of Pellington.[2] Overall, the main difference of three areas is the positions relative to the source of customers and the accessibility to transportation system.[3] On the ability of customers' approach, the A location seems to grab substantial numbers of people by situating in the residential area, close to the industrial zone → The location of A which is close to the residential zone brings to it the advantage in terms of attracting customer. [4] It is 15 km away to the northwest from the nearest town of Hampford of which population is 30000. [5] Meanwhile, the C is located in the suburb of city centre, which nearly to the industrial area. [6] In contrast, the hypermarket erected in B is likely to be impossible due to the considerably further location from the city along with the absence of other facilities and services.[7] The position of A is located closely to the traffic-free zone which is built next to the park, whereas there are two possibilities to reach C including the airway from the airport nearby and the railway. [8] By contrast, that B is situated along with the further motorway is the only accessibility observed.
Maria - / 1,098 389 Sep 26, 2019 #2@HarleydaoHey, welcome. I hope this feedback becomes useful for your writing.First and foremost, I would say that you need to focus more on making more concise sentences. The second paragraph needs to be tailor-fit for this purpose. If you are able to do this, you will be able to sustainably showcase the progression of the content in a better light.Furthermore, the organization of the content appears to be a little bit off-putting. Considering the numerous amount of information that you need to spread out, I recommend trying to put everything into a more meaningful context. Bear this in mind at all times.It would also be helpful to provide us with the image itself next time. This will help us assess your writing a lot more realistically. Best of luck regardless!
alice1426 3 / 8 2 Sep 27, 2019 #3Hi @ Harleydaoalso working on IELTS, hope the following points will be helpful :)1) ... which nearly is close to the industrial area.2) In contrast, the hypermarket erected in B is likely to ...>> may sound a little bit wordy, perhaps you can begin the sentence with In contrast, it is unlikely that the hypermarket erected in B since ...