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The maps indicate the changes of the village in Stokeford in two specific year of 1930 and 2010.

dama 1 / 1  
May 8, 2016   #1
Hi everyone, I'm new to the forum. Can't wait to communicate about essay writing with you.
Below is my first post, while I have no idea how to attach a picture of my ielts topic. So I pasted the link of the picture....hope it works!

IELTS task1 (maps)-The maps below show the village of Stokeford in 1930 and in 2010.

my writing: (161 words in total)

The maps indicate the changes of the village in Stokeford in two specific year of 1930 and 2010.

It is apparent that it used to have two farmlands in the village in 1930, whereas all farms disappeared, replacing by newly constructed houses in 2010.

First looking at the map of 1930, the villagers lived alongside the River Stoke, and a main road with a bridge was built to connect the northern side of the river. In the western of the main road, few shops and a post office were established between houses, neighbor by a farmland. Another farmland was on the east side of the river. Large houses encompassed by gardens and a primary school could be seen in the west area as well.

Moving to the second map, in 2010, much scenery was turned into accommodations, including two farms and the shops. The grand villa and the primary school were expanded, while the former was converted its function to a retirement home.
tyler1234 3 / 10 2  
May 9, 2016   #2
the changes ofin the village
in two specific years
I don't think change is the right word in there.
it used to havethe city had
converted its function to
A lot of errors in grammar. I highly recommend you to work on that.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 9, 2016   #3
Hi Dama, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, we hope you find this website helpful as well as useful in your writing reference. You don't have to worry, there will be a lot of contributors and editors who will help you be better if not the best at this craft, moreover, you will receive, comprehensive and constructive criticism that will be very relevant to your writing.

Now, as this essay you wrote is actually an analysis, you should post the maps as elaborated in your analysis, just as you are pasting a picture on an essay, this is done on order to make sure that the observation that we provide is accurate to the map and the information you provided.

As far as you English, sentence construction and grammar is concern, you still have a lot to work on and this is rather easy, specially when you practice a lot. It does not really matter if it's a writing task or just a random article.

I will get back to you as soon as I can for the modification of your analysis.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 9, 2016   #4
Hi Dama, I'm back to provide you a few modifications on your analysis.

- specific years of 1930 andthrough 2010.

- that itthere used to
- havebe two farmlands
- replacingreplaced by newly

- First looking atUpon analyzing the map
-as of 1930,
- In the western side of the main road,
- neighbors by a farmland.

- muchmost of the scenery was
- its functionin to a retirement home.

There you have it Dama, as you can see, there's not much change to be done. It's very minor details that you somehow miss and this is absolutely fine as it is a work in progress, the good thing is, you keep practicing, exercise the language in every way you can and this is the way to get better is not the best at this craft. I hope I was able to help out.
OP dama 1 / 1  
May 12, 2016   #5
Thanks for the help.
It really helps me out with my grammar problems, and I will keep practicing.
By the way, I don't know how to attach an image on my post...so i pasted the link of the figure....
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
May 14, 2016   #6
Hi Dama, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, we do hope our help will go a long way, not only to your essays but to all your future writing reference.

Moreover, I would like to suggest one thing, note your progress, what I mean is, when you write something, draft it in a notebook or something where you will be able to compile it, this way you will be able to trace your progress and see how you manage to improve on your writing skills.

Lastly, practice proof reading your own work, one practice that I do is reading my sentences aloud, when something sounds off, that means that there is something wrong and the sentence needs to be changed or modified.

There you have it Dama, I hope to review more of your essays, practice and determination to the craft is the key to be successful.

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