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Writing task 2 - Marine pollution. Possible causes and effects on people and animals

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Jun 5, 2021   #1
Hi! I'm trying to write essays at my best so it will be exceedingly wonderful if there are scores of feedbacks that can help me improve my writing skills

Many thanksssss

contamination of marine habitats

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

It is indisputable that the alarming contamination of marine habitats has invariably been the utmost concern for citizens being hungry for strategies buffering against ecological surroundings. This essay attempts to dissect the root and the ramifications of the aforementioned downward spiral.

To commence with, a close inspection of the cause for aquatic deterioration reveals the industrialized process as the culprit. With the advent of rapidly evolving industrialization, the extent of polluted environs is much more pernicious, especially in mega metropolises, where scores of the mechanical quarters are mushrooming. Those plants nonchalantly dispose of excessive toxic waste into maritime areas, ultimately becoming pollutants stagnating in water resources.

Apart from its palpably held fast-paced industrial edges, the inhabitants' negligence is another driving force behind ecological degradation. By virtue of modern-day advances, a host of non-biodegradable products are manufactured every day to satisfy humanity's using demands. In light of this, the bulk of imprudent juveniles insouciantly throw plastic trash into coastal areas, piling up garbage and impairing natural homes to a mass of breeds.

Marine pollution is unequivocally detrimental to several aspects. For one, it would act as a catalyst to water scarcity, which may lead to diseases relating to diarrhea. In other words, human beings are prone to undergoing an area of using contaminated water unless formulating methods to tackle the situation. On top of that, exotic substances like plastic bags in aquatic habitats conspicuously trigger a plethora of death species by courtesy of their incapability to digest food.

In conclusion, tracing the origin of water pollution reveals the industrial process and residents' ignorance as to the determinants. Moreover, this circumstance would take a heavy toll on both human and marine lives.

Please let me know how much can I get from IELTS writing?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Jun 6, 2021   #2
Your introductory paragraph is a rambling mess of big words and run on sentences that takes too long to paraphrase the original presentation. You also did not respond to the questions in a clearly outlined topic discussion. You are targeting a high LR score right off the bat for some reason. Over emphasizing a discussion with dramatic flair will not be useful to your overall score when you are scored on your ability to use simple, everyday English words. Keep it simple. Use relevant conversational words. There is no room for dramatics like these in a task 2 essay. Don't aim to write a masters thesis at this point. You are not at that level yet. Don't orate, discuss without being pompous.

This is a 4 paragraph essay outlined as:

Par. 1 : Paraphrase + question responses / thesis statement
Par. 2 : Respond/ explaination regarding the question : What are the possible causes of water pollution
Par. 3 : Discuss what effects does this have on animal life and human society?
Par. 4 : Summarize the important discussion points previously presented / Repeat your opinion (when required in the original discussion instruction)

Your presentation is impossible to complete within 40 minutes. The required number of discussion paragraphs are indicated in the original prompt. The above outline shows the standard format. The 5 paragraph format is only used when you are instructed to: Discuss both points of view and discuss / give your opinion.

Due to the circumstances surrounding the errors in this presentation, I would rather not consider if this essay will pass or fail. I'll consider that next time, when you write a more appropriate essay, properly based on the given discussion instructions.

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