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IELTS task 1: Market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures presented in the table


dina79 20 / 26 3  
Apr 9, 2016   #1
The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufactures in the years 2005 and 2006.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The telephone was a part important for communicating in the life. The given data showed that the produce kind of portable telephone for marketing share in the globally from 2005 to 2006. While Nokia is the highest market share in the two times report, the lower market share by BenQmobile.

The presented data, Nokia had the large portion in the world of market share rose gradually by 2.5% at 2006. In which Nokia had in the top level as the most greater market share both in 2005 and 2006. Subsequently, the small proportion market share such as LG and the least position by BenQmobile 2.4% at 2006.

On the other hand, several type of telephone increase between 2005 and 2006 such as Nokia, Motorola and Sony Ericson. Afterwards, the share market in three other types steadily decrease. Surprisingly, that Nokia more interesting than the whole type in the both of years.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Apr 9, 2016   #2
Dina, your writing is getting better. You are able to compose a solid paragraph for at least three sentences. Yet, I notice some grammatical errors, particularly in tenses inconsistency. As you might know, general truth is usually simple present tense, past activity is should be in past tense form, especially when in the graph/diagram/table shows a 'past' timeline. Now, for a breakdown of your grammatical errors, with corrections and suggestions applied.

- The telephone wasis a part important for communicating in the life. (for a fact, do not make a past tense)
- While Nokia iswas the highest (should be past, because it shows timeline)
- ...as the most greatergreatest ...
- steadily decreased
- that Nokia was more interesting than

As you can see, you need to develop it a little bit more by decreasing your errors.
Good luck for the next essay practice! :)
Anaguna 21 / 27 5  
Apr 10, 2016   #3
Hello Dina, your essay is good but I try to make it simplify in the first paragraph.

The telephone was a part important for communicating in the life. [...]

"The table gives the information regarding the proportion of hand phone market share in the worldwide from 2005 to 2006 and is measured in percentage. Overall it can be seen that the most stock share hold by Nokia company while the lowest share is the company of BenQ Mobile. "


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