Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Market Share of Mobile Phone between Nokia, Sony, Samsung, LG, BenQ and Motorola


Trias 23 / 41 14  
May 27, 2015   #1
The table below shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market to manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006.

The table gives information about consumer's proportion in different cellular phone brands worldwide from 2005 to 2006 in per cent. It is noticeable that Nokia successfully maintained its position as a market leader in the two years period, while some brands gained fewer consumers over time.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, three among other mobile phone brands managed to raise their market share. Nokia obtained the biggest portion of consumers two year in a row at around a third. Following this, Motorola and Sony also succeeded in strengthening their place in the market in 2006 at 21.1% and 7.4% sequentially.

On the contrary, all other mobile phone brands experienced a decrease in their market share. Samsung dropped from 12.7% in 2005 to 11.8% in the following year. The same trend also happened to L.G., BenQ Mobile and other brands which all had a weaker position in the market in 2006.




lcturn87 - / 435 236  
May 27, 2015   #2
There are only some slight changes that I have suggested.

When you begin your analysis, I would describe it as market share like the title suggests rather than use consumer's proportion. Percent should be written as one word.

I would suggest changing part of your sentence in the opening paragraph to:
"However, a more detailed analysis shows that three mobile...."
Make the word year plural by adding -s to the end. You could change "Following this" to another transition word if you choose (i.e. Furthermore).

I would place a comma after 7.4% and change the word sequentially to "respectively".

You did an excellent job with this last paragraph!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Jun 10, 2015   #3
- The table gives information about consumer's proportion in different cellular phone brands worldwide from 2005 to 2006 in per centpercentage .

- Nokia obtained the biggest portion of consumers two yearyears in a row at around a third.

Trias, this analysis is quiet short, not as detailed as I expect, following your previous analysis.

However, it's written well and the points are clear.

Some points though:

- "per cent", if you mean percentage, it can be written as one word
- verb tenses, singular and plural, review on that
- proof read as always

Keep writing

Cheers!!!


Home / Writing Feedback / Market Share of Mobile Phone between Nokia, Sony, Samsung, LG, BenQ and Motorola