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TOEFL writing task: The marketing tools used by companies to promote their products to children

JA2121 1 / -  
Jul 22, 2021   #1

Television advertising directed toward young children should not be allowed

Advertising is one of the primary and most well-known marketing tools used by companies to promote their products to customers. As a matter of fact, new inventions such as the television have allowed advertisers to reach out to a crowd, larger than ever before, including very young children. In my view, this can involve a plethora of risks which parents do not seem to understand, hence it is of tremendous importance that television advertising aimed at young children is strictly regulated or altogether banned.

First of all, it has been scientifically proven time and time again that children aged 2-5 cannot process complex information, such as the messages contained in television adverts. Their brain functions have simply not developed up to a point when they would be able to comprehend what is good for them and what is not. Consequently, when they watch an advertisement in the television, they can be easily influenced by it. Fast food advertisements are a great example; They are usually accompanied by colorful and lively images of clowns or fantastic creatures. These pictures attract children who cannot understand or do not know the unhealthy effects of junk food. They stimulate their brain and make them crave even more of this food, leading them to the adoption of an unhealthy lifestyle.

In addition, kids nowadays, even at this young age, are subjected to significant peer pressure. This is the case especially in Western, developed societies. Young children want to have what their peers possess and they feel particularly sad or depressed when their parents are unable to provide a particular toy or service due to financial issues . Advertisements aimed at young children often promote a spirit of consumerism which encourages children to "not be left behind their peers". This, can also cause friction between children and their parents, when the latter cannot afford the advertised product.

To conclude, some people would say that it is not the responsibility of the government to regulate television advertisements but of the parents. However, we should take note that parents are not always able to supervise what their children are watching, mainly due to their many commitments. Therefore, it should be the state, under its responsibility to protect and positively influence the youth, that it should restrict television advertising aimed at young children.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,252 3656  
Jul 23, 2021   #2
The writer should choose to discuss only one of the two choices provided for the sake of clarity. Which of the 2 options do you believe would best control the problem? Why? Those are the only 2 discussion questions the essay should address. There is an over focus on the influence of advertising on children. The presentation should be balanced at 50/50, showing the wason why the chosen side best protects children from the pitfalls of advertising.

The essay has a strong tendency to veer off track in terms of discussion. The writer sometimes includes irrelevant discussion points that add to length but not clarity of explanation. The total focus has to be centered on advertising. Peer pressure has nothing to do with government control or banning.

Here is another tip, use an actual TOEFL essay prompt next time instead of an IELTS prompt. TOEFL prompts have a totally different format and ffocus.

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