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Marriage or employment? PTE academic

PeterBrown 16 / 25 6  
Feb 9, 2018   #1
In many cultures, the priority is given to marriage over employment. What's your opinion on getting married without worrying about getting a job

employment before getting married?

In the competitive world, some communities believe marriage is more vital than employment whereas others have a contrary viewpoint. This is certainly a controversial topic, considering that people look at things differently. However, it is an irrefutable fact that it is an awful idea to prioritize marriage over employment for two reasons: less time to work and lower chance of being hired.

To commence with, as we all know that once you are married, you will have less time for your work and subsequently, be less dedicated to your job which proves to be horrible as that means you will receive lower wages or salaries, depending on whether you are working part time or full time. This is not at all surprising, as one will need to allocate some time to look after and upbring their children. To illustrate, a friend of mine, Jessica, decided to get married before obtaining an employment and that left her with little to no time to work as her children need to be kept occupied at all times.

Furthermore, it is known that potential employers would prefer unmarried individuals, because those people are not distracted by family issues and therefore, can fully focus on working. This is understandable and explains the reason a number of married people cannot land their first job despite having proper qualifications. For example, one my friends complained that he was rejected for the job because he is married.

Having discussed the importance of obtaining employment first before getting married, it can be concluded that it is a terrible idea to prioritize marriage over employment. This results in having less time for work and being less desirable to potential employers. Consequently, I disagree with the community stating that wedding is more important than occupation.

Moony2136 - / 3 3  
Feb 9, 2018   #2
Your grammar and syntax suggest that this is academic writing. If that's the case, perhaps you could add some sort of evidence to back up some of the claims you make outside of the experiences of people you know? Their experience is definitely relevant, and not harmful to your essay in and of itself, but having them stand alone as the only evidence you offer weakens your argument. For example, in the second to last paragraph, you say that "it is known that potential employers would prefer unmarried individuals," but you don't say who knows that, or any statistical evidence to support that it is known, or that it is true. You do an excellent job explaining why you think it is true, but you force your reader to assume that you're correct just because of the experience someone they don't know told you (another person they may not know, and therefor can't validate).

You definitely display an understanding of higher-level writing conventions, and I think fixing this one thing will push your paper over the edge. Good luck!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,325 3356  
Feb 10, 2018   #3
Peter, your presentation is not coming from a general point of view. You are thinking about the disadvantages of marriage for women, rather than the disadvantage of men and women being married prior to entering the workplace. The prompt is asking you to consider the situation coming, not from a gender point of view but rather, an age related point of view. For example, how does being married young affect the ability of a young couple to find a job. If say, a couple married while in college and then started a family right away. How does that affect their ability to get a job in the future? Consider cultures that advocate for young marriage such as the Chinese and Asian Indians among others. Are there any advantages to being married prior to being employed for both men and women based on a cultural context? That is the main consideration of the essay. It isn't about gender, which is what your statement implies. More importantly, the actual discussion asks you whether you think it is right to marry when one is not yet employed. While your discussion is correct to a certain degree, the problem with it is that you focused on the gender side of the issue instead of the general facts and opinions regarding the discussion.

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