Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Married people are more happy than unmarried, but people over the age 56 belong to the happiest.


Trisulastri 27 / 18 4  
Mar 28, 2016   #1
The charts show the results of a survey on happiness ratings for married and unmarried people in the US, and the effect of children on the overall ratings of married couples.

The first bar chart compares the level of happiness based on marriage status from different ages of groups, while the influence of children or married couple to people happiness is presented in second charts. Overall, it can be seen that married people happier that unmarried, but people over the age 56 is the happiest. Married people will be happier if they have children under 18 years old.

According to the graph, married couple show higher level of happiness than unmarried, which is people from the first three group aged presents two fold higher of feeling happy after married. 34% is the highest figure of happiness levels in unmarried people which experienced by elderly people over the age of 65. Married people from different age group do not show significant differences.

Furthermore, married couple expresses the most happiness by having children under 18 at around 44%. This figure is slightly different from couples with no children and children more than 18 years old, which is 43% and 41% respectively.

RAY93 35 / 186 136  
Mar 29, 2016   #2
hi, TriSulastri. here my commentaries. good luck in your IELTS writing
different ages of groups --> age groups
, while the influence of children or married couple to people happiness _--> incorrect sentence, it should be about the influence of children to the happiness of married people

is presented in second charts --> only one second chart
[s]but people over the age 56 is the happiest. -->unsuitable with the data while this only occurred for those unmarried people
Married people will be happier if they have children under 18 years old. --> there is no comparative in this sentence. you could write the happiest indeed.

you didn't mention important clue like this was a survey result conducted in USA


married couple show higher level of happiness than unmarried, --> it is adjective, need to be followed by noun

of feeling happy --> double adjectives,
after married. --> the survey conducted is not about the feeling of people before and after married

Furthermore, married couple expresses the most happiness AS THE HAPPIEST by having children , which is 43% and 41% respectively.--> ARE


Home / Writing Feedback / Married people are more happy than unmarried, but people over the age 56 belong to the happiest.