I really like your first paragraph :] great intro
the high stress levels you deal with,
I* dealt with.. another thing here, you go from past to present. fix? next sentence, again with the you to I*
for the fact that this was just a job for me and not a career<comma>I knew college was my only way out.
Looking at him like he had officially lost his mind, I was even more shocked to hear my old co-worker not hesitate to agree
adding that the most I'd be was a manager at Marshalls.
and even add*
while the other never even went to college.
and the other had* never even gone...sounds a bit better
College was going to take me above and beyond.
I like your spirit~
I was convinced Marshalls was teaching me about the importance of a higher education.
convinced that my experience at*...
All the criticism and the feelings of being overworked and underpaid
was just my motivationmotivated me and the reasons why I knew I had to be more than the Average Joe.
average* is that supposed to be caps?
I made up in my mind my college degree was going to do the talking for me and in three years Marshalls was going to be just one more thing of the past.
in my mind that* a college... (what do you mean here?) while it continues the overall tone of the previous paragraphs, maybe consider ending on a lighter note? not dissing the experience as a one of insignificance, but one that was a motivation to move on.
I enjoyed reading this. good luck to wherever you apply. another thing, I had to search for sine qua non in a dictionary. haha. very interesting essay