TOPIC:
Some children think that some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult for them to study at school, so they should be made optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days, with increasing children having chances to study at school, some of them argue that some difficult subjects in school should be chosen by themselves instead of decided by government. However, I tend to agree that some foundation courses should be compulsory even they may be a little difficult for learning.
Some people believe that most students have the right to study what they really want. It seems reasonable because learning favorite subjects could increase students' motivation to study. For instance, many students could not concentrate on classes because of unattractive curriculums, which waste money of both governments and individuals, as well as the time of teachers and students. In addition, some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy that are compulsory at school may not accord with the future workforce demands any more. As a result, many people suggest the subjects of schools to be free from government interference.
In contrast, other people agree that governments should be decided the subjects for students, especially the foundation courses like mathematics and philosophy. For students as individuals, basic education could provide students with a well-rounded education when they are children. In other words, some foundation subjects may be a little difficult but they could not only provide a solid foundation for students' adult lives, but also help they to learn how to overcome difficulties. Furthermore, for governments, well-rounded individuals are demanded as good citizens of a stable society. Moreover, our society still needs specialists of mathematics or philosophy regardless of more or less.
Overall, to the reasons mentioned above, in my opinion, it is necessary that some foundation courses like mathematics and philosophy are compulsory to younger students who are immaturity perhaps. However, when they go to universities, students could be gave chances to choose what they really want to learn.
Based on the ideas from your essay, you seem to disagree with the topic. However, the structure in your essay didnt express your points well since your 2 main paragraphs supported the both sides. In my opinion, you should perform the first paragraph as supporting your ideas and the second one stating the opposing point and the counter-argument that you make to support your main points.
Hi Keely, below are my suggestions for your essay.
1st paragraph
- These days, with an increasing
-number of children having chances
- to study atin school,
- some of them argue that some difficult subjects
- of decided bythe government deciding for them .
- compulsory, even if they
- may be a little difficult for learningto learn .
There you have it Keely, as you can see, there's still a little bit of work for your essay, the minor changes needs to be fixed immediately in order for you to address the concerns of the sentences without leaving it behind. This way, you are able to complete the sentence in a manner that it has all the necessary additives that comprises the idea. I hope the modifications are useful and you follow through in creating the revision.
Hi Nguyen and Ivy,
Thank you for your advices.
As your mentioned above, should I replace my supporting side paragraph at first with deep description and the opposite side paragraph secondly briefly?
Keely
I think it's better to spend equal room for argument in both sides. You could contribute more on supporting side if you have many points and you DO have at least one strong point to weaken the opposite one. The final decision is based on you.
