TOPIC: Beggars are not the choosers.
The maxim under reference brings home to reader a vital philosophy of life. Those who beg have no choice. They actually compromise their self-esteem while extending their bowl to alms giver. Beggars are at the mercy of alms giver. They cannot force any donor to raise the amount of alms. Thus they accept what they are given in the form of alms.
Beggars are greatly subjected to humiliation. They have to bear the taunts of people. People call them names. They do not feel small in extending their bowl. Once the habit of begging is formed, it becomes their psyche. Some beggars, even sustaining their economic condition, do not give up their habit of begging. Thus begging becomes their second nature.
Nations that develop the habit of begging in the form of foreign aid to raise developmental level are always at the mercy of their donor. Such nations do not achieve glory. They, however, have pledged their self-esteem for availing the foreign aid. The donor starts taking hold of his affairs. The donor eventually becomes a self appointed adviser for that nation. The intrusions and interferences of the donor in his personal matters irk the recipient at many times. Thus this process procreates new master-slave relationship in which there is no dignity for the slave. It evinces that no nation can climb up the stairs of progress and prosperity unless it undergoes the phenomenal uplift of self esteem and self reliance.
Beggary is an evil which robs the self-esteem of an individual/ a nation. Thus any beggar, who wishes to raise his self-esteem, should stop relying upon aids. Begging is another form of slavery. An individual/ nation should raise their hands to get the help from the Creator, not from people.
The first paragraph is a bit redundant with the use of the word alms over and over. Is there way to incorporate a synonym that will get your point across without the redundancy? It is hard for me to rate the paper, but overall it is probably a 7 or 8 with the logic. Kind of wraps around in confusing circles, but since I don't know who the audience is, maybe I'm just not sharp enough to understand the circles and your audience will get it better.
I really like your ideas about the differences of a begger and donor but I am also confused about the audience. The essay seems to jump around a lot. You already have the main ideas down but it would better if you make the essay more comprehensible using better transitions.
Beggary is an evil which robs the self-esteem of an individual/ a nation. Thus any beggar, who wishes to raise his self-esteem, should stop relying upon aids . Begging is another form of slavery. An individual/ nation should raise their hands to get the help from the Creator, not from people.
I think this statement is a bit harsh on the donor because people do appreciate them. I'm not sure if this is a college essay or some other type but some benefactors might consider this harsh. I think you also acknowledge that not all benefactors are bad. For example, organ donors don't have to but they do because they want to save lives. (they have to sign at the back of their licenses - completely optional) Your essay too one-sided. Depending on where this essay is submitted to, it shouldn't be too critical of one or the other.
I also think that the essay should be more decisive on your views. Establish both points but make it clear what you support without stating outwardly