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We may fail to find out that just a few people make new friends through internet


akiraaa 7 / 20 2  
Oct 11, 2015   #1
TOEFL:It's more important to keep old friends than it is to make new friends.

With the rapid development of internet, we may fail to find that few people make new friends through internet. We can easily find someone share interests in common from facebook or twitter. Therefore, many people may have parties offline meeting with new friends when it comes to some ceremonies instead of chatting with their old friends. Take many factors into consideration, however, I believe the significance of making new friends is equal to that of keeping old friends.

To begin with, making new friends offers increasing opportunities to learn other opinions, that is, new friends often bring some new ideas to our limited knowledge. For instance, during my internship in Sweden, I always chat with my neighbor, a Turkish girl, about the future plan of my life. She inspired me to pursuit my dream bravely no matter what my parents considers, braking my knowledge confined to follow my parent's instructions. Thus, I decided to study abroad to realize my dream. The instance shows that we can change our mind and have a influence on our decision.

Meanwhile, keeping old friends in touch is also important to us for new friends may not quite understand us as they do. They have the abilities to know what they can do a favor when we are in difficult situation due to the long-term friendship. When I am frustrated by the failure, I always come to my old friends to find some advice. They often analyze carefully about my situation, offer me their suggestions and comfort me with funny crosswalks. It's sincerely old friends that we can trust and regard them as our family members indeed.

All in all, I'm convinced that there is no need to compare the importance of old friends and new friends since they help us from their analyses. Without their thoughtful help, we will not make a progress and seek our weakness. Therefore, I would like to say, cherishing friends and enjoying every moments with them should be beard in our mind.

Thanks in advance for your kind advice on whether grammar or structure!

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 11, 2015   #2
Meng, your first paragraph needs some clarity. It does not accurately restate the prompt of the essay. You spent most of the introduction building up your opinion that you missed out on the golden rule of TOEFL essays, never forget to restate the prompt. The reason that is very important is because the examiner needs to be sure that you understood what the prompt wants you to discuss and that you will be doing it in the correct manner. Please don't forget to do that in your next essay. Other than that and some grammatical issues in your essay, the argument that you presented is quite sound and is acceptable as it is based on commonly accepted arguments regarding this particular topic.

Now, here are some grammar modifications for your essay:

With the rapid development of THE internet, we may fail to find that few people make new friends through THE internet.

We can easily find someone WHO shareS interests in common WITH US from

people may have parties offline SO THEY CAN MEET new friends instead of chatting with their old friends.

TakING many factors into consideration, I believe the significance of making new friends

To begin with, making new friends offers increasing opportunities to learn FROM OTHERS opinions

I always CHATTED with my neighbor, a Turkish girl, about MY FUTURE PLANS.

She inspired me to PURSUE my dream bravely no matter what my parents THINK, BREAKING my CONFINED DECISION to follow my parent's

The instance shows that NEW FRIENDS can change our mindS and have AN influence on our decision.

Meanwhile, keeping IN TOUCH WITH OLD FRIENDS is also important BECAUSE new friends may not quite understand us THE WAY they do.

They have the ABILITY TO KNOW WHEN THEY CAN HELP A FRIEND BECAUSE OF THE LONG STANDING FRIENDSHIP.

I always come to my old friends to SEEK advice. They often CAREFULLY analyze my situation,

comfort me with funny crosswalks.
- I'm not sure what you mean by crosswalks.

Indeed, we can trust old friends and regard them as our family members.

All in all, I'm convinced that there is no need to compare the importance of old friends and new friends since they help us IN THEIR OWN WAYS.

Without their thoughtful help, we will not make progress and SEE our weakness.

cherishing friends and enjoying every moment with them should be KEPT in mind.
OP akiraaa 7 / 20 2  
Oct 14, 2015   #3
Thanks for your great advice ,vangiespen.

Here i revise my first paragraph:

In a life time , we are bound to meet many people. Someone who share the same interests with u s will finally become our friends. Making new friends does not mean that they will replace our old friends. Taking many factors into consideration, I believe the significance of making new friends is equal to that of keeping old friends.

is this qualified to Toefl's require? Thanks in advance!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 15, 2015   #4
Mengyuan, your restatement of the prompt this time around is okay. However, it is still not as close to the prompt as it should be in terms of presentation for discussion. I would have phrased the restatement this way:

Original prompt: It's more important to keep old friends than it is to make new friends.

My opening statement with the restated prompt:
Man is considered to be a social being. As such, he comes across many people during his lifetime. Some of these people come his lifelong friends, others, are new friends who importance in the life of a person has yet to be determined. While some sectors of society believe that man changes friends every ten years, I beg to differ, I believe that man manages to keep his old friends along with his new ones. After all, keeping old friends is just as important as making new ones. Let me explain this belief of mine in the following paragraphs.

Do you see how I restated the prompt in a manner that allowed me to present the topics for discussion in the opening paragraph? That should be the aim of your introduction paragraphs. I hope my sample has helped you :-)
Takeiteasy 5 / 12 6  
Oct 18, 2015   #5
Mengyuan, the structure of your essay is very good. I think the TOEFL reader will be happy with that. I'd like to point out a problem with the last sentence of your second paragraph,The instance shows that we can change our mind and have a influence on our decision. I guess your are trying to say that new friends can help change our mind and have an influence on our decision, right? However, your sentence doesn't make people think so. So you may want to rewrite it.


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