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The media should bring more attention to commoners people news than the celebrities news.


yurikeyuri 43 / 61 2  
Nov 29, 2016   #1
The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or football. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead

The news of celebrities always being reported in media and the opposite talks that common people show is rare in media. The phenomenon must more attention to commoners people news than the celebrities news. My point of view said that the unknown people news more essential to educate many people in other places. Moreover, the celebrity news is important else for inspiring abut new mode style, particularly in modern lifestyle.

Firstly, the entertainer news is important to entertain many people by comedian, cinema, their daily activity in modern style which it is very useful to develop our style and also to update our old fashion especially. Many celebrities have the modern style in their interior design of their house, beautiful jewelry which they have, kinds of other cosmetics that can be inspiring to use for people who duplicate their modern beauty. Also, the celebrities can entertain by their daily activity which is the humorous moment.

However, there is news which is more essential for our life which is unknown people report because, from this news, we can learn more about reality life in society and also inspire our self to do much useful something in daily activity. The ordinary people have many unique activities, such as in agriculture, culture, and education field. For the example, the farmer of commoners who lived in the rural village can create hydroponic technology to increase high result in many seasons without the use of large land media. The inspiring technology can educate many people in order to always innovation in technology towards self-production program in this developing country. secondly, many inspirations activity of common people which can become role models to introduce the traditional culture in the international area and can be known by other countries in the world. Thirdly, many innovation programs in education field which to inspire and more educating the young generation to increase the studying skills.

In the conclusion, the celebrity news is important to other people as to entertain the citizen, but the news of common people is more demanded to society life in order to towards development life. On the other hand, I suggest that the industrial must be able to decide balance between reporting the celebrity and unknown people to increase the knowledge of inhabitants.

AK354 7 / 8 1  
Nov 29, 2016   #2
Dear Yurike,

This is my advice for you, I hope it can help you and feel free to correction me too

If you want to get band 7 or more your essays need this:

Using more complex sentence structure, using more complex vocabulary, using more complex grammatical use and variation, don't forget you must write at least 250 words. to rise your ability I suggest you to read more essay topics, sample essays.

when you writing you must focus on your topic, don't go out off topic, you probably don't have score of task achivements.
Bams17 28 / 43  
Nov 29, 2016   #3
The news of celebrities always being the most reported in media and the opposite talks said that common people show is rare in media. ( double verb show and is)

The phenomenon must more attention to commoners ...

this sentence is quite confusing, it can be phenomenon as subject? I think that the appropriate subject is mass media.

My point of view said that the unknown people news ...

Directly write In my point of view unknown people news .......

Moreover, the celebrity news is important else for inspiring ...

if you want to contrast the state use However, therefore, in contrast etc.

[quote=yurikeyuri]Firstly, the entertainer news is important to entertain many .../quote]
again, in this sentence still make reader confused ( entertainer is person i think that the appropriate noun is entertainment, which is do not which it is.

Many celebrities have the modern style (...), beautiful jewelrymiss spelling jewellery which they have,
mardian24 46 / 75  
Nov 29, 2016   #4
Hi let me give you some comments

1. the opposite talkstalking that common people ...

2. ... for inspiring abutabout new mode style ...

3. Thirdly, many innovation programs are in education field which toisinspireinspiring and more (...) to increase thefor studying skills

Thank You
Keep writing


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