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Many media celebrities allegedly exert negative implications on youth generation

ronaldover71 1 / 1  
Oct 4, 2016   #1
Topic : A lot of entertainment stars have had the problem of drug dependency before they become famous. Do you think that those people have bad effects on children?

( Please give me approprate band for this essay)

Many media celebrities , who have been seriously involved in drug dependency , allegedly exert negative implications on youth generation , especially adolescent fans . Personally ,I am out of accord with the aforementioned conception and will attempt to investigate both negative and positive influences of notable individuals in this essay.

Foremost , there are ample evidence indicate the negative effects . In the contemporary society , young people normally show propensity to imitate significantly the famous individuals without any consideration about their history . These over-reverence could be precursor for these immature fans to change their pattern of lifestyle or trend of fashion so as to be alike with idols .Thus,the prominent repercussions worth mentioning are propagating the adolescents with negative drug scandals or misled,biased information about drugs . Under several circumstances , these celebrities , hence , would be predominant culprits,which catalyse rising incidences of drugs dealers , and facilitate this debatable crimes burgeon.If it wasn't for any mechanism supported from parents and authority, they would encounter numerous obstacles to cope with this issues.

In contrast , majority of notable individuals have outperformed after being involved in drug dependency . These people not only help regulatory bodies to eradicate rampant spread of drugs but also host indispensable position in diffusing right perspective . Celebrities , who have suffered from drugs detrimental effects , would make more appealing speech about the health deterioration , exponential hazards rooted from drug usage . Moreover , they could bring more pragmatic value and absolutely be a great role models for youth generation to imitate .

As outlined previously , there are myriad of factors potentially contribute to the affection ,both associated benefits and considerable drawbacks need to be brought into consideration.
goldieu 5 / 8  
Oct 4, 2016   #2
Hi ronaldo71,
I have some advice you

- Foremost, there areis ample evidence indicate ...
... young people normally show the propensity to imitate significantly ...
- Thesethis over-reverence could be precursor ...
- ... culprits,which catalysecatalyze rising incidences of drugs dealers
- If it wasn't for any mechanism supported fromby parents and authority
- In contrast, the majority of notable individuals have ...

Hope it helps :)
fadhilmd25 41 / 75 11  
Oct 4, 2016   #3
Dear Ronaldo, here are some advices for your essay, feel free to correct me,

Many media celebrities -->

The media which show about celebrities

individuals in this essay -->

no need to mention it

misled,biased -->

misled as well as biased

Okay, base on my point of view, you do have wide range of lexical resources. The coherence as well as the grammatical errors are at minimum level. If it comes to score which band is it, well, I think you deserve band more than 6, but actually you can score yourselves by analyzing your writing based on IELTS guidance for writing task 2. Hope it answers your doubt,


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