Good evening. I will soon have my Ielts test and I would really appreciate if anyone could check my essay written below.
Write about the following topic:
Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information. State which you consider to be the most effective.
- comics - books - radio - television - film - theatre
So, here it goes:
Nowadays information is accessible to almost everyone in this world. We can exchange ideas and broaden our horizon with the help of the means of communication & Media such as comics, books, radio, television, film or theatre. However, I believe not all these provide good quality information and I will try to analyze them.
First of all, I would like to compare two ways of broadcasting information, namely TV and books. In my opinion, books are much more useful than Tv is and I believe there are several reasons to sustain this. One argument is that Tv addresses the large public and ussually transmits information that catches the eye of the audience, with themes such as violence, erotism, politics and humuour. Another argument would be that we usually don't know what we are going to watch when we turn on the Tv. On the contrary, we usually read a book that has been recommended to us. Thus, there are more chances to find interesting things in a book that was first read by a trustful friend than they are when we watck Tv.
Let's not pass to film and theatre. I believe these are very effective beacause you can read a review first and decide if it meets your interest. Even more, many films and plays are inspired by real life stories and one can draw a lesson from them. A film or a play is normally very attractive means of media and consequently are easier to be kept in mind and have a stronger impact on us, comparing to comics or radio.
My own experience makes me consider the books as the most effective means of media because I have always learnt many useful things from them. They are very instructively, mainly because they comprise the writer's thought and life experience and are usually written over a large period of time.
As a conclusion, I think we should be more selective when receiving information from the media, as not all its means offer what we are looking for.
hope someone will be that kind to help me..copy the mistake and paste the correct form. Thank you for your time.
I think in the introduction you should state three things you want to discuss in your essay. Use strong and objective language, try to advoid the phrase "I think" or "I will try to analyze them".
About the body of your essay, there are some kinds of minor mistake such as parrallelism: "books are much more useful than Tv is". You are comparing two kinds of media so I think it is better when you write like this :"Book is much more usefull than TV is".
Another suggestion is that you should not use abbreviation like "I don't" or "let's"
About the ideas and the structure of your essay, I think you should compare the two other media with the one you consider the most effective. Do not digress, try to be focus more on the benefit of books compare to the benefit of other.
Finnaly, it will be better if you state what is the most effective media in your conclusion and expand it to strengthen your ideas.
P/S: Thanks for your reading
>>> large public and 'ussually' transmits informatio
spelling mistake in usually
>>> They are very instructively,
I think yhis should be 'They are very instructive'
Since the question asks you to mention the most effective media in your opinion, do state that in the concluding part.
thank you a lot. ..what about a score?
Well...it is very hard to judge one's work... but if 6.0 is the highest then I think I will give you 3.0.
Thesis sentence at the end of paragraph 1:
Add a comma: However, I believe not all these provide good quality information, and I will try to analyze them. (after this sentence, add a sentence that tells the main conclusion -- or maybe two or three conclusions -- that you come to in the essay.)
Topic sentence for paragraph 3:
Let's not pass to film and theatre.
Let's not pass to overlook film and theatre. --- this sentence would be better if it was longer and if it told the reader your idea. Instead of just saying, 'let's not overlook film and theatre, say what you think about their merits as means of communicating info. The first sentence of a paragraph should be a 'topic sentence.'
:-)
