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The media should consider famous people's lives


soshianet 16 / 47  
Aug 24, 2011   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television,
newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to
the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and
celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.

I disagree that the media pay too much attention to the famous people's lives. From my point of view, the media, such as televisions, newspapers, magazines, and so on, should consider the famous people's lives because people pursue their private lives to know more, the media's producers want to provide such programs, and governments desire for organize the society through role modeling.

Mainly, people as audiences would like to enlarge their information about the famous people's lives. People consider these kinds of programs as the best ones on the TV or other media, so they expect more programs about celebrities or public figures. In addition, many people regard several famous people as their heroes or heroines, such as some artists or some sports stars. Also, many people consider knowing about their heroes or heroines as a way of having fun or entertainment. Thus, people wait eagerly for these types of programs.

Moreover, the media's producers yearn for providing such programs. They are avid for exhibiting the positive qualities of famous people's lives for their audiences due to produce fine works. In addition, they create such programs for make more money through huge projects. The importance of these kinds of programs refers to the weight of audiences' interests because a lot of people would like these programs, so the interests of people are significant for producers.

Finally, governments desire for organize their community through role modeling. They try to maintain values and beliefs by role modeling in their society, especially among young people. Also, they attempt to conduct thoughts of their people by signifying a few famous people's lives, like religious well-known people in my country. In addition, governments pay attention to the next generation beliefs, and planning for them through role modeling.

To sum up, I believe that the media should pay attention to the famous people's lives in the way of people, producers and governments desires. Therefore, I think that these sorts of programs should be provided in each society.

Thank you very much in advance .. please help me to correct my grammatical mistakes.

isabellaclaudia 14 / 31  
Aug 24, 2011   #2
great essay with succinct points, and clear elaboration. however i find that the essay is a bit to truncated in the sense that the sentences doesnt flow. its like a series of also, in addition, moreover. i think if you can make some links in between, it will make you essay great. :)

however i spot some minor mistakes
programmes to make more money
are significant to producers
governments desire to
OP soshianet 16 / 47  
Aug 24, 2011   #3
thank you very much but can u explain why i must write "famous people's lives" without "the" in the first line and the first line of my conclusion, but it can remain in other part of my essay?

thanks again
beepro21 15 / 22  
Aug 24, 2011   #4
When you mentions to "famous people's lives" for the first time and you don't want to refer to any specific people , you mustn't use "the" before this term. However, when famous people's lives are mentioned in the previous sentences, you can use "the" before this term.

Good luck!
beepro21 15 / 22  
Aug 24, 2011   #5
They are avid for exhibiting the positive qualities of famous people's lives for their audiences due to produce fine works.=>not clear. U should write the positive aspects of famous people 's lives or the positive qualities of famous people.

Who produces fine works? producers or famous people?

The importance of these kinds of programs refers to the weight of audiences' interests because a lot of people would like these programs, so the interests of people are significant for producers.=>Because a large number of people would like these programs, there is an remarkable increase in audiences'interests,which is significant for producers when deciding producing a program.

addition, they create such programs for make more money through huge projects=> making

because people pursue their private lives to know more, the media's producers want to provide such programs, and governments desire for organize the society through role modeling. =>not parallel, people want to know more about private lives of celebrities
OP soshianet 16 / 47  
Aug 31, 2011   #6
Thanks, but I don't know why my tutor says this "the" must be removed? .. The following sentence is not related to my essay, this is only an example:

"Mainly, teenagers would feel unhealthy while they are students. Since the teenagers' body is not strong, they would face physically with the a number of difficulties"

I wrote this sentence according to your advices
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,341 129  
Sep 3, 2011   #7
Since the teenagers' body is not strong, they would face a number of physical difficulties. ----I made a small change at the end . I moved the word "physical."

The word "the" is not grammatically incorrect in this sentence. The tutor made a change to make it sound more natural. Sometimes it is bet to use "the" when you are talking about a particular example.

"The" is good here: The tutor suggested that you should remove the word.
"The" is unnecessary here: Tutors suggest changes all the time.

(The second sentence above is referring to all tutors. The first sentence refers to a particular tutor.)

:-)


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