Here's my essay:
The prompt is: Discuss some issue of local, national, or international concern and its importance to you. (500 words or less)
The media has played a major role in my life, and in the lives of people around me. Often I see my parents watching the news, reading the newspaper, or listening to the radio and then later on reciting the information/ideas they've acquired as their own. Often, the information gathered from the media is biased or incomplete, thus rendering an incomplete/false picture that more times than not, leads to a predetermined conclusion set forth by the media. The media has the power to instill ideas into its viewers, and it is frustrating to see my parents be part of the group of victims.
In 2009, I joined New Youth Communications, a non-profit newspaper written by teenagers living in New York City. During my time writing articles, and being a journalist I learned about good journalism ethics, and also learned about a few mal-practices. I learned to give a complete picture of events and ideas, rather than showing a single perspective. At school, in my English class, I learned about different logical fallacies in writing, many of which are used over the internet, and often used on television. While many major companies do follow good writing ethics, the same cannot be said about television broadcasting companies. Through the usage of red-herring, non sequitur, and other logical fallacies, the media is able 'force' people to feel a certain way towards a subject. For example, many news stations talk about bringing our soldiers back from Iraq, however they don't consider the consequence of what could occur in Iraq if they were withdrawn. Iraq could end up like Vietnam did when we withdrew our soldiers. Media limits their perspective to the pain/suffering of soldiers, and through images, and testimonies, they instill a 'bring our troops back from Iraq' sentiment in their viewers. The media takes advantage of the ignorance of the viewer.
It is my strong opinion that the media should remain neutral, or at least consider all sides of an argument. As a journalist/writer I focused on doing just that. I wrote on topics ranging from electronics, to war, to gaming, as-well as a few personal stories, and remained neutral. For example, in an article of mine, titled: "Gaming by the numbers", I considered the negative aspects of gaming, as well as the advantages exposure to games can bring. Before I was educated in the tactics used by the media I would believe many of the ideas I heard on the news, or read about. I feel that the media introduces information in a way that limits open interpretation of the content being displayed. This used to hinder my ability to think openly, but now that I am aware of it, I have been able to draw my own conclusions about politics, society, and ethical dilemmas. Although I am aware of the effects media can have, media still plagues the minds of society, specifically my parents. "If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be." -Thomas Jefferson.
I don't really like the approach I've taken, any suggestions on where/what I should steer my essay toward?
Please, and thank you.
No need for the comma in the first sentence.
The first paragraph is a little off-putting because a youth is presuming to know that the elders are being naive when in most cases it is the other way around. Also, you state the obvious throughout the paragraph. You can refer in a single sentence to the way media can be abused to influence people... and the reader will understand. Spend your sentences telling the reader something new, something they do not already know.
In 2009, I joined New Youth Communications, a non-profit newspaper written by teenagers living in New York City. ---this is a good sentence, but it is not good as a topic sentence for a paragraph. The topic sentence for a paragraph should support the main argument of the essay. This sentence does not support the thesis of the essay. I suggest adding a sentence before this one, a topic sentence.
. During my time writing articles, and being a journalist I learned about good journalism ethics, and also---This is brilliant. This is where I think the essay should begin. I think you should cut the first paragraph and cut all mention of your parents being brainwashed. If you do not have time to support the claim, don't make it. It is not necessary as part of the essay. But this content in the middle is excellent. Everything from this sentence onward is great.
:-)
