allow me to give you littel bit suggest...
Other views this as irrelevant, and budget should instead be focus on building individual knowledge and skills
They believe that the health promotion is better than cure.
Needless to say that in Iets writing task 2 we shouldn't write abbreviation. it would be better if you write "does not"
it doesn't consume large amount of money,
I would arguee that better of you use "spend" not consume..
Unlike research, the error margin of health promotion is close to zero, and the amount of expenses
you should put "comma" before "and" because I think that sentences not parallel