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Medical treatments, fast communication, great transportation - technology make our lives easier


koshima 1 / -  
Feb 18, 2015   #1
Hello. I wrote a essay but I am not sure whether I answered the question properly and worry about my grammar. Could you give me advice please? Thank you

Here is the question.
"Technology (computers, television, automobiles, mobile phones, etc.) creates more problems than it solves, and may threaten or damage the quality of life." Do you agree or disagree? Give three reasons to support your opinion. Around 150 words

Here is my answer

I disagree with the statement. I have three reasons for this.

First of all, medical treatments have raised our standard of living. Nowadays, more and more diseases are curable so less and less people are suffered from them. For example,thanks to the improvement in surgery, cancer is no longer an uncurable disease.

Secondly, e-mails have affected our society positively.Before they were invented,only the way people could communicate with other people was mainly letters apart from face-to-face communication. It takes a few days to be read by your friends after you send but by using e-mail, they can read your message immediately after you send.

Last but not least, transportation has made our lives easier.For instance, airplanes enable us to travel abroad easily. Before this is available, you had to take a long journey but the machine solved the problem. Therefore, more and more people can have experience abroad.

For these reasons, technology has contributed to make our lives easier. (149)

Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 18, 2015   #2
Your introduction seems to be bizarre.
1. You need to rephrase the prompt in the beginning and list your reasons after.
cancer is no longer an i ncurable disease. It would have been safer if you had said that we now can protract the life expectancy of people who possess cancer!

2.dly, e-mails have affected our society positively.Before they were invented ...this sentence These 2 sentences are not coherent!
3. Your conclusion does not have your opinion.


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