As the saying goes "One can't always live under the shadow of memories." Memories are the few important things that one is need of.
These are the first two sentences I see, so I get confused right away. Is she arguing that memory should not be considered so important, or is she arguing that memory should be considered important. I think the old saying means we should stay in the present and not rely on memory. You might want to choose a different quote. However, I might be wrong!!:-)
You should practice with the past tense for verbs:
Howard was born in a blue-collar family--- good!
both his parents
have had to work from dawn to night in an effort to support the living of the family. --- I changed have to had.
It was pretty common that the poor family ran out of money at the end of each month, --- good past tense!
...so Howard and his little sister
have to eat cheese accompanied by bread that was often twelve months old.--I changed have to had.
I don't want to give a score, because I don't know how to score accurately.
There are some mistakes, though, like this:
At the age of 10, Iqbal escaped from the carpet factory and
was freed by a member of the International Labor Constitution.
In the gloomy, shadowy and damp loom, this little kid got insufficient food and sleep. --- excellent!!
Six years later, at
the age of 12, he was ...
Keep practicing!! Thanks for participating here!
:-)