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IELTS writing task 2 - Are men and women are equal with related to occupation

maduwee 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2020   #1

Working efficiency - men vs women

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that men and women are not equal and therefore there are certain jobs which are not suitable for women. What is your opinion.

The gender related categorization of occupations is becoming a thing of the past. While some believe that gender is absolutely irrelevant regarding occupation, others argue that certain work are not appropriate for women. In my opinion, while men and women can perform evenly in majority of tasks, there are certain job functions where men outperform women, owing to the difference in the genders.

The gender of a person is immaterial for undertaking majority of the occupations, despite the fact that they are not equal. In other words, women can perform on par with men in those circumstances. Occupations such teachers, doctors and engineers, for example, are excelled by both men and women. Even though the mental and physical strengths are not equal, within the scope of these job categories, women are capable of delivering similar capacity to men.

On the other hand, there are occupations, physically demanding ones in particular, can be challenging for women to carry out. This is mainly due to the fact that women are biologically not resilient or can not withstand physically demanding processes as much as men do. Occupations in the construction and mining industries, for example, where people have to work tirelessly throughout the day, are not suitable for women as they are not able to withstand the fatigue. Due to these fundamental differences, international labor laws also do not allow women in certain job categories.

To recapitulate, while some argue that gender is immaterial for an occupation, on the basis that men and women are equal, others believe that certain job functions do not suit women due to inequalities in genders. To my mind, though majority of work can be performed equally by both genders, certain occupations are more suitable for men, owing to the biological differences between genders.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,110 3260  
Aug 14, 2020   #2
The essay doesn't really develop your reasoning data in a convincing manner. I think this is because you did not really use an effective comparative discussion in each paragraph. The essay feels like the reasoning could have been more convincing. Next time, you may want to try writing in this following format to add clarity to your reasoning presentation:

Sentence 1: Occupation topic (use only 1)
Sentence 2: Highlight the strength of men in the occupation
Sentence 3: Highlight the strength of women
Sentence 4: Compare the 2 strengths
Sentence 5: Explain why the 2 strengths cannot indicate that women can perform equally to men in the occupation

If you use a comparative discussion to strengthen your opinion, you will be able to better convince the examiner of the strength of your opinion. Using 2 different but relevant discussion topics will help to illustrate how well you understood the discussion instruction and, will also add coherence and cohesiveness to your reasoning presentations.
OP maduwee 1 / 1  
Aug 14, 2020   #3
Dear Holt,
Thanks a lot and highly appreciate your valuable comments.
Next time I will try to write keeping these ideas in mind.

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