IELTS TASK 2: MEN AND WOMEN'S JOBS ACCORDING TO THEIR QUALITIES

employment opportunities vary depending on the gender

It is argued that males and females are born with distinct qualities, which determine what jobs are open to them. However, I partly agree with this idea.

On the one hand, it is true that there are various distinctions between males and females qualities, which affect their decisions when choosing their own careers. The first difference is about their physical health. Some manual jobs such as builders, farmers or jobs involving in delivering heavy machines are not suitable for women due to their weakness in both physical and mental health. The other distinction is because of traditional education. While parents tend to buy dolls or cooking toys for girls, boys play with cars and robots. Therefore, in the future, women have a tendency to favor caring professionals such as nursing or caring for children and the elderly, for example.

On the other hand, I believe that women and men have equal opportunities in all careers. The first case in point is the conception that make-up artists are traditionally exclusive to women. However, nowadays, there have been more and more men having a passion for this field. For instance, Jay Manuel - a Canadian American make-up artist. Similarly, it is popular for women to become engineers and go to construction sites, as long as they love jobs that they are currently doing.

In conclusion, each man and woman is blessed with different qualities, giving them advantages in some certain areas. However, it is unreasonable to believe that they cannot do other's tasks

involve s.one in sth or involve + sth/V-ing
... jobs involving in delivering ...

Therefore, in the future, As a result, women have ... and the elderly,for example.

This is an incomplete sentence
For instance, Jay Manuel ...

... they cannot do other's tasks succeed in ...

I hope these feedback will help you. If you have time, please help me with my thread as well :D.

Try to avoid presenting over-used expressions such as "more and more" in the presentation. These memorized phrases tend to lower your score because the examiner knows that you are not really trying to form more complex sentences or highlight your English vocabulary. You are sticking to the safe side by using terms that you learned in class. Try to vary your presentation by using less common vocabulary to increase your LR score.

I cannot comment on the content of your essay presentation and its relation to the prompt requirements because you did not provide the original discussion presentation along with your essay. To get a complete review of your work, we require the presentation of the full discussion requirements as per the original instructions. For now, I will only comment on the most obvious problems with your work, regardless of the discussion requirements.