Nowadays, both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past.

Nowadays, both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behavior?

Discuss the reasons and possible results.

Cosmetic industry is worth billions. Unlike the past, most people, irrespective of gender, spend a huge amount of money on beauty products and regard the usage of these elegance care subjects as an aspect of life. From my viewpoint, this is primarily provoked by the desire to garner attention and the increasing urge of following the latest trend.

At first glance, a smart look brings infinite benefits. Charming people are often believed to
make a strong impression on others, which helps develop intimate relationships and build firm commitment. In addition, good-looking appearance brings many unique career opportunities. For example, such jobs involving tertiary industry as flight attendant, cashiers or travel agents have a tendency to employ attractive women and men.

Another fundamental reason is that people have a desperate craving to keep themself stylish. Owing to the fact that modern life renders people unwilling to accept the obsolescence, they try to imitate celebrities. This imitation would not only affect their clothing and behavior, but definitely have an impact on their natural appearance. People end up buying and using trendy available cosmetics because they are more in the lifestyle of superstars.

Consequently, the overuse of cosmetics has many unwanted results. Some chemical ingredients in foundation and cushion can cause allergy and lead to the growth of acne. Additionally, daily use of beauty creams runs a risk of making the skin thinner and more sensitive. Seriously, mascara can corrupt the coating of tears.

In conclusion, due to aforementioned reasons, I believe that both men and women should take the use of cosmetics under control. At the same time, they had better try using beauty products made from natural materials as well as maintain a healthy lifestyle.

The thesis statement is incomplete. It offers a reason but not a result. So that introduction is not as complete as it could have been. The score could be limited since the data is incompletely presented. The writer need not have mentioned unrelated info like the billion dollar industry. A complete 3 sentence presentation would have been better. Only the following were really needed in the paragraph:

- Topic restatement w/o added information
- 2 related reasons
- 2 results related to reasons

Charm is related to the character of a person. It is not related to the beauty industry in the implied physical manner. It is an unrelated topic discussion that does not help increase the score of the paragraph. Use related topics only.

The results do not relate to the reasons. Neither do these relate to one another. There is no clear commonality that indicates a fully developed and topic, reasoning related results discussion. The writer understood the topic and discussion instructions. However, he struggled to find related results towards the end of the presentation. It is a good essay but needs more related discussion development in-the aforementioned section.