Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS Writing task 2. Mental or physical strength in sports?

jackjixam123 1 / 1  
Aug 1, 2020   #1
Some people think that mental strength is the most important factor for success in sports. However, some others believe that it is more important to have strong and fit people. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

It is often said that emotional health is the key factor for a successful athlete. However, many, including myself, argue that the physical condition of a person is far more necessary in sports.

On the one hand, it is undoubted that without a strong and healthy mind, it is extremely difficult for people to compete with others in sports. Audiences usually expect a victory from their favourite clubs, therefore, sportspeople are often put under a huge amount of pressure when they play for their national or provincial teams. If players cannot bear the pressure which viewers place on them, the possibility is that their minds will have a detrimental effect on their performance or even their life after the match. For example, many players have attempted to commit suicide after being criticised by their supporters.

On the other hand, my view is that sports are where athletes show how strong and fit they are. The purpose of sports is getting in shape and active, people should always aim for that outcome when doing sports. If the importance of physical strength is underestimated and people spend more time praciting their mental system, sports would then be seen as an activity to promote sedentary lifestyles, which society obviously do not want. In addition, audicences enjoy wathcing sports which are physically demanding and challenging, such as running or footbal. In these games, winning is nearly impossible and serious injuries could easily occur if players do not have a good physical condition, even those professional ones.

In conclusion, mental fitness plays a vital role in sports. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that it is the physical health that brings victories and a successful career for sportspeople due to the fact that sports should encourage active lifestyles and they are physically competitive.

Any comments would be highly appreciated!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Aug 1, 2020   #2
This is an analytical essay response. Your opinion must show a consideration of the 2 public points of view before you present your personal opinion. This is written normally, as a 5 paragraph essay as it requires clear explanations of the following:

Reason 1: Strength is the most important factor... using public reference points and opinions to justify the support for this opinion
Reason 2: It is more important to have strong and fit... use public opinions for the presentation that support this discussion
Reason 3: You have to compare both opinions in the first sentence. Second sentence, which side you support. Last 3 why you support it and give examples to illustrate.

It is because of this specific reasoning reason, in relation to the C&C scoring section, that you need to use the 5 paragraph format essay presentation. It is not only analytical, it also has to be comparative in presentation at first. You cannot present your opinion in the opening paraphrase simply because of this requirement. You should save the presentation of your opinion until after you have shown a consideration of both points of view.

Your word count is acceptable at 296 words. However, you still have spelling, grammar, and conciseness issues that were left unchecked and uncorrected. Get used to double checking, correcting, and perfecting your work during the practice essays. Failure to spot and correct your errors during the actual test could result in a forced failing score for you. It is forced because you could have avoided the errors and score downs if you had just edited your content before submission.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2. Mental or physical strength in sports?