Hi, the following text is the methods section of my essay about Factors that Influence the Destination Choice of International Students.
Please give me your opinion on the structure and language about this writing. Cheers!
studying abroad - identifying students choices
This project aimed to identify key pull factors affecting students' study abroad choices and the relative importance of these factors. It further attempted to examine the difference in attitude between exchange and degree students towards these variables.
Respondents are non-British undergraduates in a university in northeast England. Students who were on pathway programs were excluded, because their aims (INTO Study, 2019) were distinct from those of exchange and degree students. 12 respondents were selected, whose demographic features are shown in Tables 1 and 2. The sample covered 7 different countries and 7 courses in order to be representative of the whole international student population. Same number of exchange and degree students were recruited to compare the two groups of students.
Questionnaires comprised of 10 questions were sent to respondents via email. Respondents were asked about basic information pertaining to their courses in Newcastle University, why they decided to study abroad, and why they chose the UK as study-abroad destination. To quantify students' valuation of determinants, a diamond-ranking survey was conducted. Respondents were asked to rank provided factors according to how much they value these variables. Out of 9 common factors, they were asked to select one most important factor, 2 second-most important, 3 third most important, 2 second-least important, and one least important. Respondents were also asked to explain why they valued each factor as such.
You had a comprehensive output on describing your methods. I would only recommend that you try revising to create more structure and/or dimension to your writing. Alongside this, you would also be able to create more concise sentences.
When you're describing methods, I would also suggest that you try to use present tense - not unless, of course, the study has already been accomplished fully. If it's a proposal or an intuitive academic essay, this is appropriate.
APA citations should always be placed at the end of the sentence - never in the middle.
Try to always use full words instead of numerical symbols to make it more formal.
Let's try to implement these suggestions, so you may see what I am referring to.
[...] Students who are on pathway programs were excluded as their aims are distinct from the target audience (INTO Study, 2019). Twelve respondents are selected [...]. The sample covers seven different countries and courses to be representative of the international student population. [I suggest inserting here a brief explanation of why this method maximizes representation.] The same number of exchange and degree students were recruited for comparative purposes.
Notice how using specific terminologies can help you cut down your language. For instance, instead of needing to mention that the exchange and degree students are to be recruited to be compared to this and that, you can simply say that it is for comparative purposes; this is more self-explanatory and simpler overall.
Try to implement these techniques. Best of luck.