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Minimizing the traffic issue - proposed ways


nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Feb 14, 2017   #1
Topic : The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Trouble with commuting



Nowadays, people who live in cities always facing same trouble when they get outside: a heavy traffic. Some people believe that by decreasing the need for people to go for work, school, shopping, and other activities from their home is the only way to address the issue. However, there are another ways to solve the amount of traffic in more appropriate way.

Mostly people today move from one place to another by using their own car. They go for work, education, or shopping everyday as they willingness to fulfill their responsibility and necessary as well. The world is move fast, so do the people. Then, the way to limit their needs are seem impossible to be done.

I believe there are several ways to decrease the amount of traffic in cities in an effective way. Firstly, government should ensure that public transportations are accessible for everyone. People in cities now might choose their own car to travel because they find that public transportations are less comfortable and spend more time. Therefore, the increasing quality of public transportation should be a concern for leader of cities. Secondly, the government ought to restructure the road system. There might be many small and unaccessible roadway hence contribute to the traffic. Besides, the government could also establish the law aims to rise the tax of cars. The rule is expected to decrease the willingness of people to buy a new car.

To sum up, there are some ways to address the traffic issue in cities. Decreasing the need of people to travel is seem less effective. The government should put more effort in regulate the law that needed to solve the problem.
ilskyilsky 4 / 9 2  
Feb 14, 2017   #2
@nuradiapuspa
Hello.
You prepare the IELTS exam.

I am also not good at English. I just got 6.5 in writing 3 months ago.
But I hope that my advice is helpful for you.

people who live in cities always are facing same trouble when they get outside such as a heavy traffic.

However, in my opinion, there are another ways ...

Mostly Most people today tend to move from ...

..., or shopping everyday as they "verb" willingness to fulfill ...
-> I couldn't understand this sentence. And you should include verb to complete sentence.

I reviewed 1 & 2 paragraph.
In my opinion, you should make full sentence. S + V ...

And, when consisting of paragraph at the IELTS test,
I recommend you below style.

para1. Introduction(3~4 sentences)
- you should paraphrase the topic.
- background related with topic.
- your opinion about topic
- and, use this sentence to complete 1st paragraph. "This essay will discuss both views in details."

para2. opinion which is opposite of yours(4~5 sentences)
- I partially agree with that "opinion which is opposite of yours".
- additional explanation

para3. your opinion(5~6 sentences)
- Nevertheless, I insist that "your opinion"
- additional explanation

para4. conclusion(2~3 sentences)
- Consequently, although "para2 summary", I believe that "para3 summary"

Good luck to you!
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,013 4242  
Feb 14, 2017   #3
Nuradia, your final score for this essay will be a 3. That is because you ended up discussing a totally different essay from the prompt provided. The prompt clearly states that you are to discuss either an agreement or disagreement with the given proposition. The discussion that you should have presented should have been a statement either of support or opposition to the topic provided. After that statement, you should have continued the discussion using supporting statements to justify your agreement or disagreement. Instead, for some reason related to a misunderstanding of the prompt, you ended up discussing ways to solve the traffic problem. If you compare the prompt discussion with what you wrote, you will notice that you are not being asked to discuss ways to solve the traffic problem, only whether you agree or disagree that the only way to reduce traffic is by reducing the need for people to travel for work, education or shopping. Nowhere in the essay were you asked to make suggestions about how to solve the traffic problem. The way that you responded to the essay will show the reviewer that you do not understand simple English instructions, which is the first and most important point of scoring in this essay. English comprehension skills are of the utmost importance in passing this test.
sinchana2017 7 / 18  
Feb 14, 2017   #4
Please find few grammatical errors

Firstly, the government should
many small and unaccessible inaccessible
Then, the way to limit their needs are seem seemedimpossible to be done.

Hope it helps
AABMOSALAM1998 4 / 11 3  
Feb 14, 2017   #5
To go to instead of to go for.
Consider replacing the adjective another with other
The amount of traffic- Traffic congestion because that's the underlying problem you should provide solutions for.
Appropriate way- Effective way
Mostly does not seem to fit in the context use Most instead
You should present your point of view in the first paragraph and solutions on why disagree with the proposed solution in the question.
*People need to go on working to fulfill an adequate standard of living needs.

The first sentence of your 3rd paragraph is considered a repetition of your last sentence in your first paragraph which from on you get to discuss why you disagree
OP nuradiapuspa 11 / 25  
Feb 22, 2017   #6
Thank you for all the comments, advices, and corrections. I hope I can do better in next writing. And so do you :)
jaikrishna 5 / 7 1  
Feb 22, 2017   #7
same

As mentioned, your introduction paraphrase should give your opinion for agree or disagree questionnaire.
2 or 3 rd paraphrases should support the opinion with your examples.


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