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Misconceptions about volunteer work and see their work in the right perspective

shtpcks 1 / -  
Dec 23, 2014   #1
Hi I'm korean and wanna post this article to newspaper. I want to make up sentences more naturally like natives.
May I? I really appreciate if you help fix this.

"Common Misconceptions about volunteer work"

I doubt if the volunteer work really helps realize *a society of equality. I think we should focus on why people in need are made to help, so that we could solve the problem effectively and logically. In this respect, it just helps *the economical bi-polarization temporarily, not permanently. I believe it could be valuable if those two things; volunteer work and *hunger for social change, occurred at the same time. But the reality is different. Volunteer work has flaws that can't fix the system. People choose to volunteer but they put aside all the other social participation that can fix it. Then, I *came to a conclusion that the reasons why they do the work isn't because they have *moral obligation. The public aren't interested in solving social inequality. They just use it as a vehicle of their benefit. I define this situation as *"a lack of moral consciousness".

What's wrong with motivation, and what is it? Philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724 - 1804) argued that the moral acts based on motive of duty could only be given value. That means all the motive can't *intervene in moral behaviors. For example, if I clean my classroom just to get praise from teachers, that can't be considered as a moral decision. *On the other hand, if I clean my classroom with my *moral principles, it is worth doing morally. Then, let's apply this rule to the volunteer work. The rule doesn't allow any exceptions, and it's called *universal rules. Therefore, people whose motives are seeking for pleasure broke the rules. No matter how much someone does volunteer work, it is wrong if the motive is wrong. Basically, the moral principle are the same with *the natural laws.

See volunteer work in the right perspective

To see something in the right new perspective is really important. I tried to see this topic objectively and *refreshingly. Everyone experienced a moral dilemma and a number of people made economical, *utilitarian choices. What I want to say was 'morality recovery'. But I couldn't write more cause I had no time, but I wanted to write about what justice is. Because I think justice died inside this school."

jaark3927 2 / 3  
Dec 23, 2014   #2
I feel as if your first sentence lacks flow.

The essay itself isn't bad but some of the sentences that are produced need a little more punctuation.

A way I think you could fix the first sentence would be by replacing it with something like

"The reality of this society is that volunteer work, does help embrace social equality in unique ways."

Its just something that I came up with so nothing too special.

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