MIX CHART- Number of people who broke the law in the couple years ending 1994 and reasons of it

Hi everyone, Im Patric from Indonesia, and I'm a newcomers in the IELTS test.
Therefore, I honestly need several input to improve my capacity, particularly in task 1 and task 2.
So, hereby my first writting. Feedbacks and criticism are very welcome. Thanks in advance

Questions:
The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest *

The represented graphs reveal the information about the haul of male and female in the last five years, ended in 1994.The pie charts show the comparison of haul for both sexes and the graph provides the several causes making it, afterwards. It is noticeable that males are the most frequently arrested and the prominent cause is public drinking.

At the beginning, it is clearly seen that almost a third of males was arrested compared to one in four of it by females. However, the level of uncaught of female was higher than male, 91% and 68%, respectively.

A closer look to the second graph, the reason in public drinking was considerably higher than others. It was particulary seen that females were the highest rate, at around 38% whereas the male is around 30% in a period of time. In reverse, male actually witnessed a significant difference by 27% contrast to 14% in drink driving reasons. As a matter of fact, the level of haul for other reasons such as breach of order, assault, and theft, were quite similar for both genders, whilst the least reason was no answer, led by female in 7%.

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  Mixed Chart
  

Hello Patric, I am happy to see more Indonesians joining this forum. I wish you will be an active member by sharing your insights regarding the writing from other members. You may consider the following suggestions about your essay:

1. I suggest you to combine the first two sentences in your introduction paragraph to make it more efficient. For instance, "The represented graphs reveal the information about the haul of male and female as well as its causes in the last five years, ended in 1994.

2. I think that this sentence: "It is noticeable that males are the most frequently arrested and the prominent cause is public drinking". is similar to this one: "A closer look toat the second graph, the reason in public drinking was considerably higher than others".

How if you omit one of the sentences considering the possibility of repetitive content you will have.
3. Please give a concluding sentence to your essay, because the conclusion is extremely important due to wrap up the ideas in every writing.

Hope it helps. Good luck with your practice!

Hi Patric, here's another take on your analysis.

- The represented graphs reveal the
- endedending in 1994.
-The pie charts show the comparison
- of haul for( avoid using the same words in your analysis or any writing task )
- both sexes and the graph provides( we have already established the subject, so you can stop mentioning the graph )
- males are the most ( most and frequently - redundant )

- AtIn the beginning,
- waswere arrested compared
- to the one
- uncaught of females who were not arrested was

- A closer look toat the second graph,
- the reason inof public drinking
- led by female inat 7%.

There you have it Patric, I hope the corrections are useful in the revision of your analysis.For future writing reference, mind the format of your words as well as the linking verbs you use in your sentences as this directly affects the entire analysis.