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5. mixed --21st century=opportunity,you agree/disagree, changes you hope--


cathyliu 19 / 54  
Mar 2, 2010   #1
5. Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to be made in the new century?

Along with the rapid development of human society, we are experiencing a change that never happened before. A majority of people take an optimistic attitude to the coming of new millennium. Personally, I think the coming of 21 century will bring us not only more opportunities, but also more challenges.

It is no doubt that the 21 century will bring us more opportunities and improve our life condition. For individuals, the development of medical skills and new medicines will save more precious lives; the further communication among countries will also produce more chances for individuals to visit other countries and to study new knowledge, so that by enriching their knowledge and experiences, make them more eligible for their careers and contribute more to the society. In turn, in terms of countries, the development of individuals will lead to them stronger and more abilities to sever citizens, thereby creating more harmonious atmosphere and living environment for human being.

However, at the mean time, there will be many potential challenges. We do not need to mention other things, only pay little attention to News we will know how many tragedies happened every day. Earthquake, tsunami, hurricane and so on, are threatening our lives every seconds. So if these phenomena do not be investigated clearly, human will still under the threat of natural forces.

Personally, I hope the new changes in new millennium will include the following things:
First, it is the issues existing in present society, such as education, employment and medical care system, as well as housing. Secondly, I hope the formation of natural forces that cause severe damages could get a clear answer. I also hope we could get reply about why they form; what we can do to prevent them; and what we can do to avoid these serious and disastrous results.

In conclusion, the coming of new millennium will bring us both opportunities and challenges. Facing it, human being still has many arduous assignments to deal with. In my opinion, I hope we could solve not only the society problems but also the formation principle of natural forces.

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Soccer16 - / 1  
Mar 4, 2010   #2
Just a few edit recommendations...

5. Many people are optimistic about the 21st century and see it as an opportunity to make positive changes to the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree with their optimism? What changes would you like to be made in the new century?

Along with theThe rapid development of human society, we are experiencing a change that never happened before.has resulted in an unexpected evolution. A majority of people take an optimistic of attitudestowardsto the coming of a new millennium. This new attitude willPersonally, I think the coming of 21 century will bring us not onlymore increased opportunities and, but also more and challenges.

It is no doubt that the 21 century will bring us more opportunities (to whom?) and improve our life conditionstandard of living . For individuals, the development of medical skillsmedicineand new medicines will save more precious lives;.the furtherIncreased communication amongbetween countries will also produceprovide more chancesopportunites for individuals to visit other countries and to study new knowledge, so that by enriching their knowledge andbecome enriched by their experiences,.makeMaking them (who?)more eligible for their careers in specific industries will enable them to and contribute more to the society. In turn, in terms of countries, theThe social development of individuals will lead to them stronger skill-sets and more abilitiesincreased opportunity to severservecitizenstheir communities , thereby creating morea harmonious atmosphere and living environmentfor human being .

... ok, I'm going to stop there. Try to look at the changes I made and think about why it flows better. Re-read your essay out loud and if it doesn't sound like something you'd actually say... then it may need adjusting. Essays get wordy very easily... most of the time you can take out some words and the sentence sounds more precise.

Take another crack at it and post again.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,339 129  
Mar 4, 2010   #3
Thanks, Soccer16, I'll pick up where you left off!!

However, at in the mean time, there will be many potential challenges. We do not need to mention other things; we only need to pay a little attention to the news in order to know how many tragedies happen every day.

Earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, and so on, are threatening our lives every second.

So if these phenomena do not be are not going to be investigated clearly, humanity will still remain under the threat of natural forces.

Personally, I hope the new changes in new millennium will include the following things:
First, it is necessary to attend to the issues existing in present society, such as ...

In conclusion, the coming of new millennium will bring us both opportunities and challenges. Face it, human beings still have many arduous assignments to deal with. In my opinion, I hope we could solve not only the society's problems but also the ______________ (formation principle of natural forces??? I don't know what this last sentence is supposed to mean).

:-)


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