May you correct to my essay and give me a score in Writing task 2 IELTS?
Writing task 2 IELTS.
Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
ANSWER
It is true that mobile phones and computers have a drastic impact in our life. Some individuals believe that the decrease of interactions in person among people as a result of using these devices. To a certain extent, I agree that benefits of these modern technologies. However, I also think that they have negative effects on both the quality and quantity of face-to-face communication.
On the one hand, I believe that there are many advantages of using mobile phones and computers. Firstly, these gadgets help us communicate each other more quickly and conveniently. If we use smartphones and laptops, we can stay in touch with members of our family, friends and colleagues wherever we are by email or chatting on Skype. Secondly, people can draw inspiration from interesting television programs and easily access a world of knowledge. For example, reading funny stories or watching entertainment shows online allows people to relax and feel less stressed. Furthermore, they can not enlarge their knowledge but also develop their soft skills through learning online courses while they are at home.
One the other hand, there are some reasons why using the mobile phones and computers may cause some drawbacks. The increase of time of using technology decreases both the quantity and quality of face-to-face conversations among people. If people spend a rash of hours on smartphones or tablets, they will use less time to chat each other or share experiences of life in person with your close friends and their families. For instance, my cousin desired to play games online almost time that he did not pay attention to his relatives around him. Furthermore, the presence of instant messenger services or chatting devices online allows people make friends easily, even with bad guys that we do not know who they are. Consequently, people could have a shortage and unrealistic awareness of these relationships, and this may let them make wrong decisions.
In conclusion, it is undeniable that the importance of cell phones and computers play an integral part in our life. I agree that face-to-face communication is negative impacted by these technologies.
(349 words)
Thi, I hate to tell you this but I would not score this essay more than a 3 in the writing task. Your essay does not clearly represent the requirements of the prompt, you do not present a clear agreement or disagreement within the introduction, and most specially, you did not really properly discuss the prompt requirements. I know that this is just a practice test so you are allowed to make mistakes. Hopefully, you will begin to improve starting with your next essay. Always make sure that you understand the prompt and what it requires you to discuss or represent in the first paragraph in order to make sure that you have a chance at a better score.
The main problem with your discussion is that you decided to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of technology in terms of communication rather than clearly presenting the fact that technology either makes people lose the ability to communicate in person, or it enhances it. From the looks of it, due to the existence of Skype, FB Messenger, and other video conferencing devices, I would say that your discussion is flawed and irrelevant because the technology enhances our ability to have face to face communication.
