Unanswered [15] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


IELTS-Mobile phones & the Internet are very useful


AUSTINCLUB 1 / 1 1  
Nov 27, 2013   #1
The invention of mobile phones and internet has brought significant convenience to our lives in recent years; however, the elderly people are less likely to benefit from the thriving technology simply because the old users have limited knowledge in using these modern facilities. In this essay, I tend to explore what benefits could be brought to the aging people as well as how to raise their interest in using these modern technologies.

One of the most significant advantages of using mobile phones and the internet applications among old users is that it can bring considerable conveniences to senior citizens' everyday life. As many aging people lead a comparatively solitary life in terms of living without many relatives' company, using mobile phone or internet chat programs such as Skype, which make it possible for elderly people to keep a tight touch with others at their convenience without restriction of time and distance, thereby receiving relative's care and exchanging emotional needs. A further benefit is that pensioners can take advantages of using mobile phones and internet to acquire public and community services, such as online transaction, taxi booking and food reservation.

By improving the functions and applications of smart phones and the internet more applicable and humanized, this can address the obstacles of widespread use of these modern facilities among senior citizens. The elderly mobile phone with big screen and key buttons can be introduced to help old people coping with their eyesight and fingering problem, while the handwriting input panel and voice control software can bring fun for the elderly to easily surf on the internet. Also, people who are more proficient with these modern facilities should be encouraged to teach the elderly some basic operation knowledge. By all these means, the seniors' interest in mobile phones and the internet can be triggered.

To sum up, the barriers of using mobile phones and the internet among old citizens can be solved by introducing the technical gears designed for seniors; the colorful and vibrant benefits brought by modern facilities would significantly make convenience for and add spice to the old people's lives.
dumi 1 / 6923 1592  
Nov 28, 2013   #2
First, include your prompt together with your essay so that we can provide you with more relevant comments.
The invention of mobile phones and internet hashave brought significant convenience to our lives in recent years.
OP AUSTINCLUB 1 / 1 1  
Nov 28, 2013   #3
Your comments are very valuable! thank you very much, i will pay more attention to these grammar problems.
Pahan 1 / 1904 553  
Nov 28, 2013   #4
For me, it is not clear at all why you wrote this essay... I mean your purpose of writing this essay. Also since you have not included the essay prompt it is extremely difficult for me to align your writing with the prompt's requirements.

One of the most significant advantages of using mobile phones and the internet applications among old users is that it can bring considerable conveniences to senior citizens' everyday life.

.... why you specifically talk about old users?
Why don't you re-do this once again? You can write a great essay with this topic (although I'm not sure about it)
ieltsp 6 / 12 5  
Nov 28, 2013   #5
As many aging people lead a comparatively solitary life in terms of living without many relatives' company, using mobile phone or internet chat programs such as Skype, which make it possible for elderly people to keep a tight touch with others at their convenience without restriction of time and distance, thereby receiving relative's care and exchanging emotional needs.

You're trying to cramp too much information in a single sentence. Trying to write such sentences increases chances of committing mistakes grammatically. So i would suggest you to try and write simple sentences.

You're ideas are good, I liked the 1st body paragraph, however the second doesn't seem to emulate the your ideas clearly


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS-Mobile phones & the Internet are very useful
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳