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IELTS essay-Modern children are suffering from the diseases like obesity. Causes&solutions


SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Jan 7, 2014   #1
Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

As the proverb says, "Health is wealth", one who has good health is said to have the wealth for his/her lifetime. Nowadays, even children are suffering from pervasive diseases like obesity at their early stages of life. There are many causes for it and it is high-time that we work on the preventive measures to avoid them.

Food habits and lack of physical activities are the notable reasons for obesity. In this modern era, children are fond of junk foods than having nutritious diet. Hanging out in the fast food restaurants with friends is considered to be a fashion. Nowadays, schools only focus on studies and some schools do not have playgrounds. For example, a 12 year old boy in my neighborhood does not gets a chance to play as his school starts at 9am and gets over by 5pm. Even in the evening, parents force him to read and to concentrate on home works and never allows him to play.

Serious measures have to be taken to avoid this situation. Parents should spend quality time with their kids to check on the favorite dishes and take efforts in preparing it for them. For instance, instead of buying Pizza/ Burgers, emphasize the importance of eating fresh fruits and juices, which makes their health more strong. Teaching them to cook will turn out to be a good hobby in the future for the kids. Also, motivate the young ones to regularly exercise and participate in any of the games, which they wish to.

To conclude, it is important that children are taught to have a healthy balanced diet and to do regular physical exercise which is lacking in the current generation kids.

MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Jan 7, 2014   #2
it is high-time that we work

it is high time that we worked

Food habits

Unhealthy eating habits

children are fond of junk foods than having nutritious diet , which provide few nutrients

12 year old boy

12-year-old boy

does not gets a chance to play

does not have a chance to participate in extracurricular activities

home works

homework

never allows him to play

rarely allows him to relax

quality time

more time

to check on

checking

take efforts in preparing it meals for them

emphasize the importance of eating fresh fruits and juices, which makes their health more strong

,

Also, motivate the young ones to regularly exercise and participate in any of the games, which they wish to.

These two sentences have no subjects.
znack 7 / 31 5  
Jan 7, 2014   #3
Hanging out in the fast food restaurants with friends is considered to be a fashion. Nowadays, schools only focus on studies and some schools do not have playgrounds.

Two different ideas in a raw. You should avoid it in one paragraph otherwise separate it as an additional idea.

As the proverb says, "Health is wealth

I do suggest to avoid proverbs in ielts essays.

To conclude, it is important that children are taught to have a healthy balanced diet and to do regular physical exercise which is lacking in the current generation kids.

Weak conclusion,try to expand it by add more sentances. At least you can add the future forecast of this issue
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 8, 2014   #4
As the proverb says, "Health is wealth", one who has good health is said to have the wealth for his/her lifetime. Nowadays, even children are suffering from pervasive diseases like obesity at their early stages of life. There are many causes for it and it is high-time that we work on the preventive measures to avoid them.

Your topic is focused on;

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only.

In you introduction, there is no reference to this aspect - children today suffer from the diseases that ,in older generations, were considered as adult diseases.

You write very well ... you can easily go for a good score :)
Good Luck!
OP SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Jan 8, 2014   #5
Thanks dumi. Am really worried and am planning to sit for my exam next month !

Hoping for the best :)
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 8, 2014   #6
You write very well and I don't see a reason for you to worry about this task. I think you are now ready to take it up :) What you should now do is read essays with similar topics (you find many here) to pick up points. That would help you a lot at the exam. Also, when you practice you should do it with time. Stick to your format (you follow the best one ) when you practice.

I wish you become a contributor here. You can help others with your experience and knowledge. Let me know if you are interested.
OP SreeSam 12 / 38 7  
Jan 9, 2014   #7
Thanks for your advise dumi !

yeah sure.. it would be my pleasure ! :)
nimroz93 1 / 3 1  
Jan 11, 2014   #8
From nutrition class, I know that taste is very important. Rather than having children told what to eat. People should allow children try variety of foods then they can choose what they like. Parent intervention is very important in children developing health lifestyles. If parents are active outdoors then children tend to like to do outdoor activities. It is best to plan family events to get everyone their daily exercise and also have some good family time.

These are something I have learned. Hope it helps you add more depth.

"Teaching them to cook will turn out to be a good hobby in the future for the kids" I thought this sentence was unnecessary but besides this overall well done.


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