Topic: Modern communications mean that it's no longer necessary to write letters. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
handwritten letters will become obsolete
It is evident that technology has rapidly evolved over the past few decades, reshaping the way of communications among people all around the world. Although some still use written letters, this traditional way to communicate should be eliminated due to substantial benefits of modern ones.
One of the main advantages of modern communications over the traditional is higher quality. First, since the information is digitized, modern communications, such as email and messaging apps, have capability to embed with media contents. For example, by using email, people can attach not only many photos but also videos, which is much more convenient than traditional letters. Second, modern communications allow users to read and comprehend the content easily. In fact, words of typing letters have better font, which is easier to read as well as have fewer errors compared to the written ones.
Another substantial benefit of modern communications is higher quantity. First, since writing by hand requires time to keep words clear for reading easily, typing is much faster. This means that users can save a lot of time by typing on either computers or mobile phones. In addition, thanks to mobile networks and the Internet, modern communications are conducive to sending to multiple receivers. For instance, in order to send messages to several receivers, email users only need to type the messages once instead of writing many letters for each receiver.
In conclusion, modern communications are far more beneficial and convenient than writing letters. This way of communicating should be encouraged and developed more to make our life better.
Thank you in advance
I appreciate the structure and content of your essay. I do have a couple of recommendations that can better the flow of your writing.
Firstly, I would suggest that you try to evade the usage of words that are quite vague or unclear. This can diminish the quality of your essay because it does not contribute to the meaning of your words; rather, it only adds to the word count. Alongside this, I would also watch out for your usage of articles. The excess or absence of these words in your content can greatly affect the quality. Moreover, I would add that you should try to be clearer with your language. When you mention that there are modern alternatives, you can already mention what these are.
Let's take your first paragraph's second sentence as an example. I would revise this as:
Although a few still use written letters, this traditional communication way should be eliminated because of the benefits of its alternative: the usage of electronic devices.
Notice how I had shifted around the wording and phrasing to make improve its flow; and I had also integrated a straightforward approach to the writing.
I can also apply this to your third paragraph's fourth sentence by revising it as:
Additionally, the surge of mobile networks has made modern communications conducive to receivers.
Secondly, try to use more fluid methods of transitioning into your arguments. While using the words first and second to sort out your thoughts into the essay is acceptable, you can opt to omit them and instead use moreover, furthermore, and other similar words to enhance your content's composition. This will also help you evade using redundant or repetitive words that diminish the quality of the text.
Lastly, I recommend adding more details to your concluding remarks. If you follow through with the previous two suggestions that I have, you would be able to at least free up a little bit of space in your word count to make sure that your essay has more space for substantive content. Give a brief summation here of your standpoint in the essay.
Best of luck.