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In modern era, sophisticated gadgets adapt human interconnection in the word


Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Sep 4, 2016   #1
The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship between people.
To what extend do you agree or disagree??


In modern era, sophisticated gadgets adapt human interconnection in the word. Some people argue that it gives bad impression with people relationships. I personally disagree with this statement because in some situations the electronic media helps human communication.

Occasionally, most people become individualist because they focus on their smartphone than others. As an illustration, nowadays, some people meet with friends but they do not pay attention with them because in the same time they do multi-task such as chatting or playing games. In addition, others make a dinner together but when they wait their errand, every person focus on their electronic media and don't care with others. Based on the situations there is validity why some people presume about that. However, I believe that electronic media gives advantages for human relation.

The sophisticated gadget helps the human to interact with others efficiently and easily. Social networking connects all people in the world effectively by e-mail, social media and video conference. It means that the gadget helps human to relate with others. For instance, most people can be linked with their lost friends with social networking by using a smartphone or a laptop. Furthermore, it helps some people who have disability in communication with their relatives by chatting, because they cannot talk directly with others.

In conclusion, the information and technology era changes the human interaction by gadgets. Some people convince that this condition presents some negative effects. Although, it gives bad impact but it helps most people to relate with others effectively than before.

hirani03 36 / 50 5  
Sep 4, 2016   #2
... every person focusfocuses on their electronic media ...

... electronic media gives more advantages for human relation.

The sophisticated gadget helps the human to interact with others efficiently and easily.
... gadget helps human to relate with others.
... because they cannot talk directly with others.

In the paragraph above, you have mentioned 'others' three times. You may vary by using 'anyone or everyone'.
hailun11 12 / 14 3  
Sep 4, 2016   #3
Hello Dhila^^

When I was reading your writing deeper, I confused with your thesis statement in first paragraph. please look at your writing on first paragraph line two, "I personally disagree with this statement because in some situations the electronic media helps human communication." .here, you said if you disagree with this statement, but why you wrote opposite with your thesis statement in paragraph two.

however, you should be consistent with your argument in the first paragraph or thesis statement anyway. It means for paragraph 2 and 3 (body) should be coherence.

I suggest in the paragraph 2 and 3 you should write two main idea also supporting details to encourage your thesis statement.


In your conclusion, you support both views and that is different with your first paragraph.

Hope it helps^^


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