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This modern life has provided more opportunities for women to take a part in many sectors

Fauziasmaa 1 / -  
Apr 27, 2020   #1

Nowadays, there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past

Some people think this situation has caused more problems than it has solved.

What are your opinions on this?

It is undoubtful that this modern life has provided more opportunities for female to take a part in many sectors than in the past. While some people believe that this will bring many problems, I personally think that this trend will provide more benefits for societies and women.

First of all, the law and policy based on justice which is compitable for woman will massively be created. This happens as without being restricted, female are able to get involved in the political sectors. Thus, they are able to represent woman in order to make and determine some beneficial and friendly policies for woman. Another benefit is the woman contribution for country' development through some particular fields. This is as a result of female participation in the such sectors in which they are used to unable to prove their prticular skills or talents. For instance, many female contribute and enhance the productivity in education, healthcare, science. technology and even economic sectors.

Looking at another perspective, it is true that woman participation in many sector can discourage their role in educating and supervising children at home. Thus, their children will inevitably commit the deliquent activities. However, I believe thet both male and female have the same-essential role in handling and educating the children, and balancing the role in the workplace and domestic should become responsibillities for both parents.

In conclusion, I believe that the wide-ranged chances for female to contribute in many sectors can be good news for all individuals because not only this trend is compitable with human right in equality but also this will bring many merits for the country.
auliyaniabdillah - / 1 1  
Apr 27, 2020   #2
Haii I found incorrect spelling in your essay, that's the word 'compitable' ...it should be 'compatible'
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,540 3448  
Apr 28, 2020   #3
You are being asked to present 2 opinions on the given matter. You are not being asked to discuss the benefits of the topic in the essay. After presenting a prompt restatement, your final 2 sentences should have presented an outline of the discussion topic. You should have presented 2 separate sentences that indicated the opinions you would have discussed in the reasoning paragraphs. So your implementation of the discussion instructions is incorrect. This is a direct opinion essay that requires you to outline your discussion for the benefit of the examiner, who can judge your English comprehension and GRA skills at this point, and yours, as it allows you to keep a reference point for your discussion presentation. It will prevent you from discussing non-related information in the essay.

An apostrophe is only used either with an S ('S) to represent ownership. However, an apostrophe may also be used when a word ends with an S originally, also indicating ownership. It is never used without the letter S present. So saying "country' " in this essay will be seen as a grammar issue and lower your score.

There is a problem with the clarity of your declarations in the essay. The sentences are not capable of reflecting an understandable English thought process. Your English presentation in this essay is beginner at best, failing to actually represent what you want to say, which was probably understandable in your native language, but not in English. These coherence and cohesiveness problems are the main reason that the essay will not achieve a passing score. I can see that you have an opinion, you just aren't explaining it clearly or properly in the presentation.
emillia2003 5 / 11 3  
Apr 29, 2020   #4
- Check your spelling carefully: particular skills
- I do not see a necessary correlation between your sentences and your body paragraphs, each of your sentence and paragraph must be linked in some way to show the examiner that your essay is organized logically.

- Their are many sentences that I am not sure I understand. Using a variety of complex sentence structures may boost your score but make sure the examiner understand fully your sentence cause they are probably do not read it twice and try to figure out what you wrote.

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