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Modern lifestyle has made it harder for people to live a healthy, active lifestyle. Causes&Solutions


shiravin 1 / 1  
Aug 12, 2015   #1
It is true that advancement of technology has changed the way of people living & working. This lifestyle significantly effects their health & make them idle. While there are several reasons for this alarming trend, some effective measures can be taken by government and corporate to tackle this issues.

There are two main reasons for poor health and non-energetic. Firstly, the modern invented products keep the people life easier, just pressing by a button or touch the machine complete a task within a minute where human needed more physical efforts to complete it. For instance, in the past people commute by walk or bicycle, it is help to burn excess calories and stronger their muscles but now using the motor vehicles without any efforts. Second factor is consuming more junk food than before. today's people working more time to manage the living cost, no time for cooking and eating the unhealthy foods from the restaurant, these foods are rich in oil, salt and sugar which causes varies health issues and diseases.

To solve this problem, government and big companies should focus on people healthiest activities. The government should encourage people to use bicycle by introduce higher safety public tracks, restricting license and impose heavy tax for unhealthy foods. The corporate should encourage their employee to use stairs insert of lift for adjacent floors and also providing diet meal in order to avoid restaurant food. Arranging family events like marathon is another way to motivate citizen care on their health. These activities would eliminate negative effective of modern lifestyle health issues.

In conclusion, it is true present way of live is create poor health and less active community; it can be solved by encouraging people physical activities insert of using machinery and consuming diet food.

Dear experts, please correct my essay!

Ron Weasley 5 / 15 4  
Aug 12, 2015   #2
1st Para:
- This lifestyle significantly effects affects their health (affect is a verb, and effect is Noun) makes them idle
- some effective measures can be taken by government and corporations to tackle this issues.
- I think you need to rewrite your thesis statement that is needed to connect closely with topic "harder for people to live a healthy, active lifestyle".

2nd Para:
- just pressing by a button or touch the machine complete a task within a minute where human needed more physical efforts to complete it (Why do you use relative pronoun "Where" here)

- it is help to burn excess calories and stronger their muscles but now using the motor vehicles without any efforts => it helps to burn excess calories and strengthen their muscles. However, people now tend to use the motor vehicles.

- Second factor is consuming more junk food than before => you need to add article "THE" in front of "Second" (Missing word)

- today's people working more time to manage the living cost, no time for cooking and eating the unhealthy foods from the restaurant, these foods are rich in oil, salt and sugar which causes varies health issues and diseases. => (You should rewrite this sentence, more simple with correct grammar)

3rd Para
- government and big companies should focus on people healthiest activities: => It's too general. you need to write it more concretely
- The government should encourage people to use bicycle by introduceintroducing higher safety public tracks, restricting license and impose heavy tax for unhealthy foods
- their employee => It should be plural
- These activities would eliminate negative effective impact of modern lifestyle health issues.
*** You need to be careful in using marks.

Hope this help!!!
Ron


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