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Modern parents should spend more times with their children and care for mutual communication.


BlackNightmareZ 1 / -  
Jan 5, 2016   #1
"Most of modern family in today daily have parents are got stuck in their own business ,one of the most popular cause that make children get hard to communicate with them.Children are innocent,they usually need their parents's training lessons.By talking with parents,sharing emotions and put their trust in parents,children will easily to keep up with school life.That is why communicating with parents is important to a happiness family.But in fact,parents who both work long hours per day, struggled with making money are usually get tired after work.When they come back home, they have inadvertently or deliberately forgotten to care about their children and was looking for a private place to relax.To solve this problem,governments and competent authorities have advised people to pay more of their attention to childrens,rather than taking them to the classroom of communication, life skills, or diferents clubs.Which might get easy to make them confused or worse to develop bad habits without the correct leading."

This is my first time I write and upload an essays.It might has some mistakes.I hope some one can help me to fix it.Thank you !!!

nuni11 33 / 30 5  
Jan 5, 2016   #2
Hi, BlackNightmareZ. Here is some suggestions for you. Firstly, you can start your introduction in essay by using transition such as "these days", " nowadays", or maybe "at the present time". Also, pay attention to your idea, you can start by giving explanations about why parents have a busy schedule. Following this, you can start to give the effects of the issue for the children like crime rate which is increased among teenagers. Then, in the end of your essay you can suggest some solutions so that the problem that you mention can be solved.
brayan1996 17 / 35 5  
Jan 5, 2016   #3
Hello BlackNightmarez, I don't know exactly if this is part of an essay but to me the structure looks a little bit off. Please give me some more information in respect to the requirements of this assignment so that I can provide you with the best advice.

Is this part of your argumentative essay for the issue you mentioned or is it simply a free response.

Also, this response lacks evidence. Try to integrate some factual evidence that shows why parents should spend more time with students. This response seems to be limited to your thoughts alone. But you do not mention possible studies that may have been conducted showing why parents should spend more time with their children.

Best,
Brayan F.


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