Please help to check my writing. Any feedback is really welcomed, thank you!
Topic:
In many parts of the world, shopping is no longer just buying what you need. It has been transformed into a form of entertainment. Why does this happen? Is it a positive or negative development?
My wirting:
While people used to go shopping only for what meets their basic needs, these days this traditional habit appears to be dying since people are more prone to treat it as one of indispensable forms of entertainment in search of excitement. In this essay, I intend to explore the sources of this trend as well as my own comment on it.
From my perspective, one of the most significant causes is the dramatic social development. Historically, even though our previous generations were affluent enough to afford everything; they passively had no much choice as it was not productive throughout the world due to restricted science and technology then. Recently, though, human beings no doubt have already made incredible achievements in the past decades, which especially reflect the considerably increasing numbers of materials that have ever been produced. Even importantly, current global trade with effective transport promotes the worldwide flow of products. Consequently and inevitably, it leads to a wide variety of alternatives for the people in modern society. Widespread clothes stores of a great many different brands targeting each market segments are a particularly good example of this.
Another major contributing factor is the introduction of new business strategy. While it is widely acknowledged that people visited marketplace for the main, probably sole, purpose of in search of wanted goods in shops, the recent role of commercial quarters has been altering significantly. As a matter of fact, a fashionable financial model has already turned up that a shopping mall is integrated with other forms of recreations such as movie theaters, restaurants and so forth. In other words, contemporary shopping centers offer one-stop service containing a wide and appealing range of relaxation to remain customers' stickiness. Little wonder, therefore, that the way of shopping and then immediately going home is not popular any longer.
As above, this trend of current shopping habits derives from advanced social wealth and functional diversity on modern business circles. Given that many people are increasingly keen on this lifestyle, far from negative effects this tendency will give rise to, I stand firmly on the position that it undeniably will be beneficial to individuals and society due to considerable convenience and fantastic business opportunities, respectively.
marucat
you wrote 368 words, that's too much, apart from that, it's better than the last one you worte. cheers!
