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IELTS Writing Task 2 : Modern Technology make parents have no time for their children


lilyvn1009 2 / -  
Oct 3, 2013   #1
Nowadays, there are many people joy to the modern society. Specially, parents integrate with their children in the modern life but they do not know that make them spend less time for their kids.

The first reason is parents are too busy with their career and their own complicated life. They wake up early in the morning then go home really late at night when their children have already slept. For example, my neighbor's family, the mother is an accountant so her children are spent 2 hours for fun. In addition, this is a divorced family so the father also does not care of his kids.

Secondly, Children have to study a lot at school and in extra classes. Every time they want to have some interesting activities to relax but do not have one because the thick schedule does not allow them to do or they have to move that occasions for next week, even next month. This is also affected by the family those want their kids keep studying to become a genius or even a billionaire in the future. That why they have to go all days long and no time for talk with their parents.

Modern society is developing so many student take time for playing games more than studying and talking with their mothers and fathers. However, some family let them play all days just only for kind of a reason is have patties with friends. Things like these usually happen in the rich families. Take Jessica, a friend of mine, an example; her families always go out let her home alone by hershelf without a person to keep an eye on her so that why she always plays games and abandon studying.

In collusion, I strongly agree with this statement modern society make parents have no time for their daughter and sons. For all reasons I gave above, I hope parents can realize that not to affect for their children.

MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Oct 3, 2013   #2
Your introduction makes me feel really confused. What is the full prompt of the essay? I guess this is about modern society rather than modern technology.

For example, my neighbor's family, the mother is an accountant so her children are spent 2 hours for fun. In addition, this is a divorced family so the father also does not care of his kids.

Your example is not clear and convincing. You could tell how busy the mother is to associate it with her children's minimal amount of time for fun. The divorce is not related to your topic sentence (busy with career).

Every time they want to have some interesting activities to relax but do not have one because the thick schedule does not allow them to do or they have to move that occasions for next week, even next month.

Their tight schedule prevent them from participating in various extracurricular activities for recreation.

to become a genius or even a billionaire in the future

for a bright future prospect

That why they have to go all days long and no time for talk with their parents.

As a consequence, children have to be absorbed in their assignment and have less time for conversation with their parents.

However, some family let them play all days just only for kind of a reason is have patties with friends.

What do you mean by this sentence?

her families

her family/parents
I hope this helps!
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Oct 4, 2013   #3
Your introduction makes me feel really confused. What is the full prompt of the essay? I guess this is about modern society rather than modern technology.

I too feel the same. In modern society, the parents have less time to spend with children is a reality. Also, your justification too suggests the same....may be a typo, but better you re-post the prompt once again :)

Since MisterWandering has given lots of good comments on your introduction, let me try one of your body paras;

Let's take the first sentence;

Modern society is developing so many student take time for playing games more than studying and talking with their mothers and fathers.

Your ideas should flow logically - What's the connection between development and gaming? You need something in between to link the two ideas.
As a result of technology advancement, in modern society, children are addicted to online gaming. This is one reason why they spend less time to interact with family members.

However, some family let them play all days just only for kind of a reason is have patties with friends. Things like these usually happen in the rich families.

I find these sentences are not really necessary. You can straight give the example to back up the reason you just stated.
ieltsp 6 / 12 5  
Oct 6, 2013   #4
You've have very good ideas in the essay but the lack of structure makes it difficult to understand. Please follow a structure as it gives your writing cohesiveness and coherence. Also the introduction is very short. As 'dumi' suggested please follow that structure to construct an introduction
Kjerry 4 / 7  
Oct 7, 2013   #5
the usage of kid is informal, use child or children next time.


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