hi everyone. i wrote an essay i was wondering if i could get some feedback before submitting it to my online English class. the essay is based on the movie "Modern times" and i have chosen one of the questions given to us by our teacher to write the essay on. thnx guys.
Question:
3. Modern Times is full of images of huge carnivorous machines, conveyor belts, gears, dials and switches. The factory is automated. The Tramp tries out an automatic feeding machine with disastrous but hilarious results. What does the film say about the way machines rule our lives? Does the film invite you to view the giant, man-eating machines as symbolic? If so, of what?
Essay:
Man vs. Machine
Change the film to color, update the wardrobe, give everyone speaking parts, and you got yourself a movie one might think came out last Friday. "Modern Times" is a quirky tale of an unlucky man, struggling with the oppressive, impersonal nature of technology and the unattainable "American Dream".
Evidence of the film's negative take on technology can be seen in the automated lunch feeder, for which the owner of the factory reluctantly agrees to a demonstration, in hopes of cutting the costs of needless "break time". The machine as you might expect fails and ironically, produces more problems taking up more of the worker's time. Another example is the assembly line, which could arguably be one of the most revolutionary technologies ever made. The assembly line, which requires a worker to know only one piece of the puzzle, thus making the worker replaceable, is portrayed in this movie as mind numbing and tedious. Even after the worker is finished, he continues the physical motions until he zones back in to reality.
In "Modern Times", Charlie Chaplin brings his class analysis to the Industrial Revolution. The opening scene shows sheep, to portray how the working class was being turned into such. Then, we see Chaplin in the factory, where he has the most mind-numbing job in the world: tightening two screws together as the products run by on a machine. To make matters worse, the boss tells the machine operator to speeds up the machine, and it gets harder and harder to keep up. This routine eventually causes him to have a breakdown. If this film were made today, instead of an assembly line we might see cubicles and their anti-social effects on the employee. Maybe there's a scene where an employee requests an icon in "cornflower blue". Or maybe there's a scene that shows the pointlessness of staff meetings and how nothing gets done. Actually, updated versions of this movie have been made. All three scenarios are found in Office Space (one of my favorite movies by the way), Fight Club and the television show, The Office. Although the United States is now an information/services economy, the ideal business is still seen as running like a well-oiled machine. Eliminating inefficient practices by maximizing employee output and eliminating service gaps is a trait that almost all companies partake.
Charles Chaplin's, "Modern Times", reinvents its own title. It transcends what were "modern times" in 1936, and it every bit as relevant and powerful in 2010, our "modern times." Originally written during the Great Depression Chaplin's story is still relevant seventy plus years later. Advances in technology have resulted in man feeling more isolated as computers and i-pods replace human interaction. The fast paced society of today is simplified in "Modern Times" as corporations continue to view workers as replaceable and trying to make workers able to do more by being more efficient.
"Modern Times," A story about man vs. machine, individual vs. "the system," and hope in the face of a world that seems to have grown apart from humanity, "Modern Times" is an inspiration! It is not inspirational because of the list of problems facing our main character, but because of their unrelenting resilience, their ability to "Smile" at the end of it all. Although "Modern Times" is a comedy, specifically physical comedy, the message the creator is trying to send is clear. The negative effects of industrialization portrayed in this film are poignant and moving. These "modern times" only benefit a select few, those at the top. Maybe physical comedy was probably the creator's only way of getting his message across, knowing that if his film was a serious piece, he might have been hated, perhaps worse.
That first para needs another sentence or two. It especially needs another sentence on the end so that the paragraph concludes with something other than a general statement about what the film was about. Don't end the 1st para with a sentence about the premise of the film; end it with a sentence about the unique premise of your essay -- your unique idea about it, which you express in your essay.
one essay = one big idea
In "Modern Times", Charlie Chaplin brings his---- it is a waste of space to name the film again. For powerful writing, don't include anything that is unnecessary.
The film reinvents its own title; it transcends what were "modern times" in 1936, and it is every bit as ...
I see that you use the title of the film a few more times, too. It's better to name the title only once or twice -- perhaps at the beginning and end.
This is messed up here:
"Modern Times," A a story about man vs. machine, individual vs. "the system," and hope in the face of a world that seems to have grown apart from humanity, "Modern Times" is an inspiration! It is not...--- I fixed it by getting rid of that second occurrence of the title.
This is very cool as a review of the film, but if you want your essay to be meaningful of itself, rather than borrowing the meaningfulness of the film, you should make your own unique observation in addition to telling about the premise of the film.
You construct sentences very well! There were mistakes, but you do have a really sophisticated approach to writing sentences.
