IN TWENTY YEARS THERE WILL BE FEWER CARS IN USE THAN THERE ARE TODAY
In a modernized world people always face the dilemma to own a car. Certainly, some people if asked would agree with the statement that people will use more cars in their daily life while others would mention that the question depends on a great deal of factors. As far as I'm concerned, I adopt a firm position that the number of cars will decrease in twenty years.
First of all, it's important to consider the shortage of fuel. Certainly, some people may think that there are enough fuel reservoirs that could supply peoplefor centuries . However, in most cases the resources of fuel is getting depleted. To illustrate that idea let's consider the following example. I remember that in Southern Turkey most of the reservoirs run out of petroleum and our government started to import from Iraq. This in turn affected the cost of the fuel and people started to use the public transportation more than before. As you can see, shortage of oil affected the usage of private cars and people started to use public transportation.
Equally important is that gas emissions polluted the air.Of course, for some people in some situations, car companies use scientific methods to control the gas emissions.. However, it would be fair to say that for most people cars heavily pollute the air and this causes the health problems. Take a case of Turkey in which there were some protests organized by some health NGOs. They protested that gas emissions causes some respiratory illnesses and these cause people to suffer serious helth problems to theend of their lives. This experience taught Turkish government to measure the sales of cars and urged to take some precautions to prevent this problem.Now in Tukey, a familiy is allowed to buy only one car. As it is clear, due to the the health problems caused by car emissions governments started to control the carsales
Finally, car prices are very high . I'll be first to admit that car prices doubled in last two years. Despite this possibility,some people may assert that high prices did not reduce the sales. By way of example, I can remember that there were more used-cars advertisements on internet site which is called Sahibinden. But when I check this site for used-cars, I see that there are less advertisements. Because in Turkey, the cars which are over twenty years old are not allowed to be used and the price of the new cars are very high due to the taxes.So, reduction in the number of the used cars and high prices of the new cars reduced the number of cars in Turkey. I think that this is the case for many other countries as well.
By way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I'm of the opinion that in most cases there will be less cars in Turkey in twenty years. Not only will be affected by oil shortages and air pollution but also high price of the cars. That's why everyone should consider that there will be a surge in the number of the people who will use public transportation.Khaledd, welcome to the team :) Before moving on to the feedback, I will not get bored to remind all of the new members, including you, in this forum to always give at least 1 space (1 enter) for each paragraph of their essays. This will help us to read and check your essay easily without distracted by the gap-less paragraph. However, with regards to your essay, the detailed descriptions below are my contributions towards your essay development. I hope you can follow through.
1st paragraph:
- In a modernized world, people always face the dilemma... (comma needed)
- ...some people if asked would agree with the statement that people will use more cars in their daily life while others would mention that the questionit("it" refers to "the statement") depends on a great deal of factors.(you need to be careful of over-generalizing. This can be considered more than 10 factors or even hundred of factors.)(I think it is better to say "several" factors instead of "great deal".)
- As far as I'mI am(avoid using contractions in academic essay) concerned, I adopt a firm position that the number of cars will decrease in twenty years.(at least this thesis statement, needs a brief outline)
2nd paragraph:
- First of all, it'sit is important to consider... (another contraction problem)
- that could supply peoplefor centuries .supply people for centuries.(mind the punctuation, it usually becomes one of the essential scoring criteria)
- ThisIn turn, this affected the cost of the fuel...
3rd paragraph:
- The equallyequalimportantimportance is that gas emissions polluted the air. Of courseAs a result, for some people in some situations,... ("of course" is only for informal or spoken situation)
- They protested that gas emissions causescause some respiratory illnesses and these cause people to suffer serious helthhealth problems to the end of their lives.
- ... precautions to prevent this problem. Now in TukeyTurkey , a familiyfamily
- As it is clear, due to the the health problems caused by car emissions, (comma needed) governments started to control the car sales.(space and period needed)
As you can see, there are lots of punctuation errors. You need to be careful next time. Perhaps, you can proofread your essay several times before posting it here to avoid such mistakes. Good luck for the next practice :)
Hi Khaleed, I can see that you received a comprehensive feedback from one of our EF contributors and I hope you follow through, may you also practice proof reading your essay in order for you to exercise criticizing your work. Moreover, this will also allow you to see your work in a different angle and maintain that connection in your work.
Going through your essay, I understand your point on specifying the causes and the probability of the depleting number of cars in the years to come. I must say that your points are valid, it is very feasible to experience this in the future and though a lot of people are still into cars and there is a great interest of owning one, there are a few factors that may or may not influence them in getting a car.
Further to your essay and for future reference as well, mind the relevance of each and every paragraph as the essay progress, what I mean is that, make sure that there is a connection between each sequence of your essay. Yes it is vital that you put emphasis on your points but it also crucial to have a smooth flow of ideas in your essay.
I hope the insights helped and may you continue writing and share it here in EF.
